Best Blowjob Machine

Blowjob machine
It looks like something that should be on spaceship

Bottom line is that men love blowjobs. There’s nothing more to add to be honest.But, there are some guys that just aren’t that lucky. Their girl might not be into blowjobs or they just might be straight up stuck in the friend zone. Whatever the case may be, if you’re a guy that just can’t seem to get a female tongue on your junk, then boy was this article written just for you. We’re aiming to assist all those guys that want the pleasure of a blowjob but they don’t have the means to get that. Well, then we have the next best thing; Science! Well not actually science, something that science made, Blowjob Machines. These little objects are specifically made for people like you. So, if you’re willing to substitute a few hundred dollars for countless hours of pleasure, then a blowjob machine should be the first thing on your grocery list. We’ll talk more about blowjob machines throughout this article to discuss what they are, why you should be buying them as well as what product to buy once you’re totally convinced. Let’s get right into it.

What are Blowjob Machines?

Blowjob machines are lonely men are practically a match made in heaven – or so you would think. But, these things are more than mere tools to masturbate like a pocket pussy or a sex toy like a cock ring to help you keep hard.  They’re so scientifically cutting-edge that they have to ability to feel better than a real woman. How cool could that be? A toy that you could jack off in 5 times a day and it doesn’t make you buy it expensive stuff? It’s the perfect package.

Are they Worth it?

We mentioned that these bad boys cost quite the buck, but are they even worth it? Are sex toys worth spending a couple weeks’ worth of pay over? Are they as good as they’re advertised? The answer is yes! Blowjob machines are a blessing to mankind and they’re worth every penny you pay for them. These toys are made specifically to give you a few amazing minutes and we are willing to bet that for some of you, those few minutes might be better than what your girl may be able to provide.

Fleshlight Launch
Fleshlight Launch

Features to Look for

So, we’re guessing that you have one step on the ladder to climb on to the blowjob machine hype train. We’d like to take this time to discuss purchasing options so you can further understand whether or not you’re ready to spend the big bucks for a ton of leisure time.

Material

This is pretty much sex toy 101 and if you’ve read some of our other guides, you’d know that material is mentioned in every single one of them because it’s just that much of a vital check to hit while purchasing a sex toy. Basically, if you want to buy it once and buy it good, then go for a really high quality silicone material toy. Medical grade silicone is body-safe and highly durable at the same time. No matter how much you abuse the toy, it’ll still give you the same consistent performance and feel. On the other hand, if you went for a cheaper toy, don’t even talk about the motors and vibrators, just the material will start shredding after a few weeks.

Cleaning

Yes, cleaning is an important part of owning a blowjob machine. It might be better than a woman, but unlike a lady, a blowjob machine lacks the ability to spit or swallow cum. So, you’re going to have to get in there and do it yourself. First thing we’d like to clarify is that there’s no way around this tedious task. There’s no self-cleaning toy out there that could take this task off of your hands. It’s difficult, but it’s necessary. But, there are blowjob machines that can make it slightly easier. Our suggestions is to look for toys that do that just that. The best category of toys would be the ones that can open up in two halves. Such toys enable you to get deep in pretty easily and get rid of every drop of semen stuck inside.

The Tech Inside

Basically, the amount of tech in your machine goes up as you start raising your budget. But, there’s three way to classify blowjob machines purely based on what they have under the hood. The first type are just simple toys with a vibrator fitted inside them. The motor creates to and fro motions on the surface and you the same feel as a blowjob. The second is slightly more upgraded and comes with circular structures that caress the cock as they move up and down. These toys feel the same way as when you tightly grip your penis. The third category is the most expensive one and it features enough hardware to run on VR. Yes, there’s also VR in sex toys. You can hook up the toy to your laptop, play a video and have your favorite pornstar give you a blowjob. The technology is purely based on your personal preferences. Just do your research and try to figure out what works for you before you spend money on a toy.

Best Blowjob Machines Available

Now it’s time to make your mouths water due to some of the finest blowjob machines humanity has ever made. We did our best to keep the prices moderate, but no doubt there will be some above average. One thing we’d say is that the toys on this list are guaranteed to satisfy. This list is based off of hundreds of positive customer reviews. We will also include some cons (if there are any) so you know exactly what you’re purchasing. Let’s move to the reviews.

Fleshlight Launch

Fleshlight Launch
Fleshlight Launch

There’s only one way to explain what this toy brings to the table. It’s hands down the finest blowjob machine the world has ever made. There’s no other way to describe it. There’s no other toy that even comes close to it. It looks like something that could call a spaceship at the push of a button. Well, it can’t do that, but it can do everything else. The primary reason why people like the Launch is because of it’s capability to provide up to three strokes per second. Compare three strokes in one second to one fine stroke in two seconds; who are you likely to choose, the Launch or an actual girl? It’s a rhetorical question but we’re pretty sure what you’re going to choose.

The Launch is one of those toys we talked about earlier that have VR capabilities. When it comes to size, this toy is gigantic. It’s significantly heavier than most toys out there and has a length of 12.75 inches. Don’t be hesitant to purchase the Launch if you’re shorter than the toy. It’s a great device for both average and large sized guys.

The toy has two LED button on the front. One is to power the device on and off, the other is to switch between the two modes; Manual and Interactive. There are also two button-like surfaces on each side which are meant to control the stroke starting speed, length and height. If you’re not all into this fancy stuff and want to use the toy like it’s meant to be used, press and hold the power button for a few seconds till it automatically switches to default, which is the Interactive Mode.

Kiiroo Onyx 2

Kiiroo Onyx 2
Kiiroo Onyx 2

The original Onyx was in no way, a bad toy. It was a spectacular masturbating machine but it had a few cons that never really allowed it to spark a fire and become popular. Fortunately, Kiiroo decided that it was worth-while to get rid of the defects and relaunch the Onyx, and this time, it the toy literally blew up.

Unlike the Launch, the Onyx is slim, lightweight, compact but at the same time, it doesn’t take anything away from the pleasure of the strokes. The toy rocks an extremely powerful motor with smooth strokes and it can provide 140 of them things in one minute.

Just like Launch, Onyx 2 is also a VR toy compatible with all sorts of virtual reality accessories. However, the real reason why the Onyx is highly regarded in terms of VR is that Kiiroo has it’s own library of adult videos. Their collections contains hundreds of exclusive videos that you won’t find anywhere. The best part is that there isn’t any extra free to access those videos. Just grab the Onyx 2 and sign up on their website for free.

The Onyx 2 is also meant for long distant couples play. Kiiroo understands that not only single guys are in need of a blowjob machine. That’s why the Onyx can work in compatibility with the female version of the toy, the Pearl. The Pearl is meant for your girl so you aren’t the only one that’s enjoying the pleasure provided by the Kiiroo franchise.

Check out my full review of the Kiiroo Onyx 2.

Magic Eyes La Bocca Della Verita

We said that we’d go from insanely expensive to a more cheaper selection of toys and the Magic Eyes La Bocca Della Verita is more on the cheaper side of things, but still an incredibly powerly machine. It’s not automatic or anything, but we’d still call it a ‘machine’ since it functions way better than most electric blowjob toys. If you’re curious about what the name means, it’s Japanese which roughly translates to “The Mouth of Truth”; which is pretty ironic for a blowjob machine, to be honest.

The toy is made to look exactly like a mouth which is a good touch since the above two toys aren’t exactly great when it comes to providing realism along with pleasure. But, the weird part is that somehow Magic Eyes made the toy feel like a mouth too. Take a peek inside and you’ll see the whole deal; tongue, teeth and everything. You’ll definitely not feel the difference between a real girl’s mouth and this toy.

Key Features:

  • Ultra-realistic blow job stroker for seriously lifelike oral simulation
  • Made from pliable, temperature responsive real-feel skin
  • Authentically textured for deep-throat sensations with realistic teeth, tongue and throat ridges
  • Easy-to-grip and durable for long-lasting fun
  • Includes free sample of water-based lubricant

This toy is messy. When we say messy, we mean really messy. There isn’t really a storage space or place where the cum could get stuck for a few minutes so you can calm down and clean it afterwards. The mouth will start dripping once you drop a load, so prepare to do a fair bit of cleaning around your junk too.

A small issue with this toy would be privacy. The Launch looks like a remote and if someone saw the Onyx, they’d be open to discussion regarding what it is. However, this toy is shaped like an actual mouth and the people around you will know exactly what they have in their hand if they stumble upon the toy by any chance. So, make sure you keep this toy well-hidden, otherwise you might be facing an intervention sometime soon.

Auto Blow 2

Auto Blow 2
Auto Blow 2

Auto Blow is sort of the wildcard on this list since it isn’t exactly a toy that was made with a budget of thousands of dollars. This toy was made through a funding campaign and it’s obvious that they loaded all the funding money right into the tech of this toy.

The Auto Blow 2 really counters the problem of fitting. Instead of giving users a generic size, they let the guys choose by giving them several different sleeves. So, all you need to do is try out each one till you find a sleeve that fits you best.

The way this toy makes the strokes is interesting part. Instead of the regular motor, the Auto Blow 2 uses two strings of beads that wrap around your penis. It really mimics the feeling on having a girl really claw down on your junk and move up and down.

One con of this toy is that it is corded. Unlike the other toys on our list, the Auto Blow 2 will have you on a leash to an outlet. This may not seem like a big deal, but it really takes a lot away in terms of functionality and restricts the places you can use your toy.