2016-08-15

Tips for Men to Overcome Sex Toy Jealousy

Thank you for your continued support while my Wife and I try to offer you the best guidance we can to increase your intimacy with your partner. This article is predominantly written by my Wife, in order to help you see things from a true female point of view.


Today's article is based on something I have heard guys talk about, as well as the ladies:  Some men are incredibly jealous when their significant other uses sex toys -- be it during intercourse or during masturbation, they just can't take the fact that their partner would like to use a toy rather than his penis. I would like to dispel some myths, and help encourage you to see this from a different perspective:

Myth 1:  My partner will use a large dildo, and I can't compete with that.

Truth:  Playing with toys in the bedroom will enhance what you are already experience together. Whether that means solo play while you're apart or incorporating toys while together, it will help if you realize that it's just a tool to enhance your intimacy. It is not serving as a replacement for something you can or cannot offer.  You cannot be replaced.  No matter how large, awesome, or shiny a new toy is, it's not you. Hopefully, you want your partner to feel as much added pleasure during your lovemaking as possible.  Also, I hate to say it, but if we're being honest here, insecurity about what you can or cannot compete with can be a real turn-off in a relationship.

Myth 2: Once my partner starts using a vibrator, she won't want to have sex with me anymore.

Truth:  Again, this one just isn't true.  Sure, we might have heard women joke about how they don't need their husbands because they have BOB (battery operated boyfriend), but think about everything you provide that BOB doesn't. Women are very emotional creatures when it comes to lovemaking. For them, lovemaking is just as much mental as it is physical. What a great gift to give to your loved one; more physical stimulation! Rest assured though, you provide so much more for your partner -- things that BOB can't give her.  

Myth 3: My girlfriend/wife/partner will think I'm a sex fiend if I buy her a toy.

Truth:  Communication is key when it comes to buying a toy for your partner.  There are some instances when a surprise gift of a toy will be a welcome surprise. You know your partner more than anyone in this sense, so if you have a gut feeling that a surprise might not be the best option, then try talking about it. In an environment where she is comfortable and you feel safe, just ask her what her thoughts are on bringing toys into the bedroom.  Let her know that you want to her to have as much enjoyment as possible, and that you think toys might help facilitate that.  Then, if the conversation is going well just ask if it would be okay if you picked one out for her.  As long as you're both open and honest, there shouldn't be any hurt feelings.

Myth 4: If we use sex toys, I must be boring in bed.

Truth:  Think about it. You and your partner have been having sex for how long now? She's obviously into you and doesn't find you boring. If you're at all worried about being perceived as boring in bed, then just make sure to incorporate plenty of toy-free sessions into your lovemaking. This will help reassure you that it is in fact you that your partner desires and the toys are just a bonus.  On the other hand, it'll give you a chance to show her just how exciting you can be without toys.

Myth 5: I don't know how to pick out a sex toy, so it's best to just not do it.

Truth:  There are way too many resources available! If you don't know how to do something, then just seek the advice of someone who can help. Of course you can start by asking a friend if you feel comfortable sharing, but there are other options that might come easier. First of all, ensure you and your partner are maintaining open communication. You should be able to express your wants and needs in the bedroom, and likewise, she should be able to express hers. Once that is a given, why not try picking one out together. A safe start might be something small such as a cock ring that vibrates or a small vibrating bullet. To make it even more convenient, these things are even sold in big box stores. Or if you would rather not be seen purchasing the toy, plenty of online vendors can facilitate your purchase. Most of all, remember to keep this new experience fun, novel, and exciting -- just as it's meant to be.

Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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10 comments:

  1. Hmmm. There's a lot I really like about this, though it's always a bit of a pet peeve when I see sentences like "Women are very emotional creatures when it comes to lovemaking." Certainly, that's often true, but there are something like 3.7 billion of us. Hard to sum us all up as a group :) Just something to think about. All in all, this was a great article! Very approachable for a tough topic.

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    1. Kalliopeia, I agree with you that there is a bit of globalisation in some of our writing. It's not intended to offend, rather, it is designed for ease of reading. If I keep adding "some" or "xx statistics (source)," to my posts, I think it would lose momentum. But, I will take your guidance and see if there is a better way to go about this. If you have any suggestions, I'm open to hearing them. Thanks!

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  2. This post could've been written about my ex-husband and all his misconceptions. that you for clearing these up!

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    1. Thank you Livvy. I leaned hard on my Wife to write the bulk of this article. She is able to offer a unique female perspective to things that I cannot.

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  3. Interesting article, I think sex toys it's very good invention, with sex toys you have more pleasure, more powerfull orgasm, for example you can't find G-spot for this you can try an G-spot vribator and find this point, at next sex act with your partner you can really double your pleasure. Have a beatiful day to all an good look all to giveaway.

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  4. These are indeed all common myths and I like how you targeted each one! Kudos for your thoughtfulness in this. I'm with Kalliopeia though in encouraging some more thought around blanket statements like the one about women being emotional creatures when it comes to sex. I actually think those kinds of statements have the potential to be rather harmful because they perpetuate stereotypes. Rather, something as simple as "some people are emotional when it comes to sex" is true and does not play on stereotypes, and I don't think it hurts the momentum in any way. Nice article overall though!

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  5. Every single guy on the planet should read this article. It makes me so, so, soooo angry when people equate partners with sex toys. Yes, my sex toys can give me the most amazing, unbelievable, BETTER orgasms than anyone can, because I (!!!) am controlling it and my body gives me feedback. And yet I still have sex with my partner every single day.

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  6. It took a long time to add toys to my sex life and I think it has enhanced our lives greatly

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  7. Thanks for the wise discussion - all about communication.

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  8. sex toys are no more replacement penises than walking sticks are replacement legs!

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