2016-08-25

Holding Hands -- A Simple Way to Strengthen Your Bond


As the years have gone by, it has been easy for me to forget the fact that I always hold my Wife's hand in public. We hold hands on the couch (sometimes) when we're watching TV. We hold hands when we're taking off during a flight. We hold hands when we're driving in the car. It amazes me, when I really think about it, how much we actually do this.

And then I got to thinking, "Do other people do the same thing?" 

One of my favorite pastimes is people watching. Public shopping centers, airports, parks, the beach, it doesn't matter -- people are everywhere, and they are fascinating creatures. With some deliberate watching, specifically looking for hand-holding, I saw very few couples engaged in this activity. If I had to put a percentage to it, off the cuff, I'd say about 10% of couples were doing this out in public. Maybe you've seen it more or less; again, this is anecdotal evidence.

After blogging about intimacy, vulnerability, and sex for a while, this has moved from a hobby to a passion of mine. The world is filled with over-sexed people -- be it too many partners, too much porn, too much masturbation -- it makes me wonder how many people are truly satisfied with their current partner and not constantly on the hunt for someone or something different. Since holding hands is a public statement of a couple's status, I then wonder if those couples who do not hold hands are actually on the search for someone else. Just food for thought.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I was always looking for something different. I was never satisfied with what I had and who was in my life. It was a sickness by which I am still recovering -- and we'll dive into that during future posts. But now, after years of therapy and recovery, I am truly starting to understand what intimacy is, and how to build stronger bonds with my partner, my Wife. I no longer search for extra-marital activities. I no longer yearn for someone different to satisfy my lust for being wanted. I've stopped watching porn. I am happy and content with her. She is perfect for me.

So, how does this all tie into holding hands? Simple. One of my primary love languages is touch. Holding hands provides that physical component that helps me get closer to my Wife. She knows this about me, and she knows how good it makes both of us feel. It's a statement to the world, when we're out in public, that we are each other's persons.

Maybe you're wondering, at this point, how to do this simple activity. Yes, I realize that all you have to do is hold someone's hand. But just like saying "I love you," or that first kiss, if this is new to you, or if you've fallen out of the habit of doing it, it will be a bit awkward. Talk to your partner. Tell him or her that you would like to start holding hands again (or for the first time). Do it in private while you're lying in bed, watching TV, driving, wherever. When you feel comfortable enough, and likely it will be spontaneous, you'll start doing it in public. After a while, you'll notice that if you're not holding hands, something just feels wrong.

If you're having trouble talking to your partner, or if you just can't muster the strength to do it, contact me. I'd be thrilled to help walk you through the process. It's a simple thing that can bring you both so much joy.

Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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