Some of you looking at this blog might be wondering why I started it in the first place. As it turns out, I never really wanted to be a Blogger; it just kind of happened. I was recovering from surgery a few weeks ago, and I had an epiphany: Why are so many men scared of exploring their sexuality…both with their partners or solo? In other words, what is it about guys (at least in the U.S.) that won’t experiment with prostate massage, pegging, or any other anal stimulation.
I sat back and tried to remember the first time I let a woman get near my butt. It was a really weird feeling at first, but once it happened, I was hooked. The problem happened after she and I broke up — I didn’t think women in general were into that kind of stuff, so I just never did it with them. It wasn’t until about three years ago that I really opened up to my wife about wanting to do these sorts of things.
It took me so much courage to muster enough strength to have that awkward conversation about anal play, but I figured, hey, I’m going for it. If it was going to backfire, I would rather it backfire sooner rather than later…or never backfire at all…which would mean I would never have had the hot experiences that I currently have — both together and solo.
I guess it really came down to a few things:
1. I thought, “What if she thinks I’m gay because of this.?” Well, let’s put that to bed right now. It’s 2016, and if a straight guy wants to put a toy in his ass, why can’t he just do it. I’m sick and tired of close-minded people who find fault with guys like me, just because we want to feel incredible sensations. The thing is, I’m also a very religious person (who embraces science and sex positivity). It took a lot of work (mentally and emotionally) to push back the barriers and stigmas that were associated with men doing this.
2. “What if she thinks I’m disgusting?” This one was just going to have to be a coin flip, right? No. My thoughts, and the way I came to my approach was simple: If she is allowed (by social norms) to use toys to get off, then why can’t I use them and increase my own sexual pleasures?
The way I approached her was from a mindset of openness and extreme vulnerability. In fact, during and after our discussion, to that point, I never felt closer to her. I spoke to her as an adult who wanted to enjoy adult feelings…there was no condemning society for the stigmas, no leveraging the fact that she uses toys…none of that. It was a simple conversation, and it went something like this:
“So, I’ve been doing a lot of research and reading on the Internet, and I’ve been shopping around for my first prostate massager. Do you know what that is?”
The conversation then became informational, and we actually looked at massagers together. It was amazing how difficult and how easy it was to talk to her about this. It took so much courage, but once that bridge was built, I could cross it any time (meaning the bridge of communicating about sex).
Now, I’m in the business of testing out sex toy products for men, using women’s sex toys on me as well in order to offer a man’s perspective, and I blog and spread the word about prostate massage and milking whenever it comes up. My wife has become a supportive partner with this journey and also does some testing of her own, as you will soon read.
So after reading all of this (if you’re still with me), if you have any questions about how you can approach your lover/girlfriend/wife with the same questions, feel free to email me through my contact form. I will get back to you as soon as I can.