2017-03-25

Can Prostate Massage Treat Premature Ejaculation?


This is a research/advice article regarding prostate massage as a treatment for premature ejaculation. I was not paid to write this article. My goal is to promote discussion of a taboo topic in men's sexual health.

A few weeks back, Aneros contacted me to ask if I would post an article about premature ejaculation and how prostate massage can help treat that problem. Because I don’t suffer from this disorder personally, there was no way for me to write it from an anecdotal point of view. Therefore, I had to delve into peer-reviewed publications, scrape the Internet for anecdotal testimony, and Google everything I could about premature ejaculation. Here is what I found:

Anecdotally, prostate massage has earned a position of trust in the treatment for everything from enlarged prostates, prostatitis, erectile dysfunction, increased erection strength, infertility, stronger orgasms, and premature ejaculation. The biggest reason I use prostate massagers (and more specifically, Aneros massagers) is very simple. I use them because they feel absolutely amazing.

By my own experience, I can attest that Aneros massagers help me achieve a quicker and stronger erection. My orgasms are much more intense. Also, I have learned how to achieve a prostate orgasm (with enough time and relaxation). Prostate massage has not helped my infertility issues. The proof of that is due to the lack of kids I have running around my house. But, we’re not here to talk about me or my issues; we’re here to address premature ejaculation.

  • The Merriam-Webster (2017) dictionary defines premature ejaculation as such: ejaculation of semen that occurs prior to or immediately after penetration of the vagina by the penis. 
  • The premature ejaculation DSM-V criteria is: “Persistent or recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on, or shortly after penetration and before the person wishes it.” (APA, 2013).

Socially, men want to be able to last as long as a partner wants to engage in intercourse. For some men, premature ejaculation is a few minutes. Others may think it’s much longer. Most studies that were completed in this field (from my research) showed that the majority of men self-diagnose their premature ejaculation status. By the DSM-V stating “before a person wishes it,” this leaves a lot of wiggle room for the interpretation of who suffers from it.

Who Suffers from Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (PE), also referred to as rapid ejaculation, is a prevalent condition with between 22 and 38% of the adult male population suffering from this disorder (Laumann, Paik, & Rosen, 1999; Spector & Carey, 1990). Symonds, et al (2003) interviewed 28 men who were self-diagnosed with premature ejaculation. The data gathered from this study show that premature ejaculation has a similar qualitative effect on men as that of erectile dysfunction. That means men who suffer from premature ejaculation likely have the same confidence/self-esteem problems as erectile dysfunction sufferers. 

Similarly, Hatzimouratidis, et al (2010) found that PE has a prevalence rate of 20-30% of men. In comparison to Laumann’s findings, these numbers are nominal in deviation, and therefore enforce the accuracy of the percentages. Screponi, et al (2001) list even higher percentages, but they never top 40%. Hatzimouratidis, et al (2010) also found that the condition can be both lifelong or acquired. This means that someone can be born with it or acquire it through physical health complications/psychological complications. So, with 1 in 5 men suffering from PE, why is this not addressed on a more public forum? The reason is shame and self-confidence. Rather than facing the problem head-on, people typically fall victim to social stigmas and never discuss it. 

Symonds, et al (2003) cited some extremely useful information regarding PE. As of their writing in 2003, there were absolutely no medications on the market to specifically target PE. From my research, the primary medications used to treat PE incorporate the side effects (and therefore off-label) dosing of antidepressants. Drugs like Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac were most common. But, antidepressants come with their own sets of issues. People who do not suffer from depression might face more danger by taking them to treat PE. Medication, in my lay opinion, is not the optimal form of treatment. That said, Symonds (2003) also notes that 47% of men do not believe there is a treatment for their PE.

So, Can It Be Treated?

I hold the firm belief that anything can be achieved if one puts his/her mind to it. Atmaca, et al (2002) performed a study that compared the use of citalopram versus placebo in the treatment of premature ejaculation. At the end of the study, they concluded that citalopram did have a significant treatment effect over that of placebo. (Meaning, the medication worked better than a sugar pill.) But, I extrapolated something important from their research. Namely, the placebo DID have a significant effect in treatment. This indicates that premature ejaculation can be treated through a means other than medication: namely psychological treatment, meditation, prostate massage, and the practice of edging.

Other than medications, other common treatments I found for premature ejaculation were geared toward the desensitization of the penis during intercourse. Namely, using condoms and/or using chemical desensitizers were most commonly cited as preferred methods. I believe that using specific methods of desensitization takes away from the intimacy and sensation that is the gift of sexual pleasure. Rather than decreasing sensitivity, I think a man should find the root of his problem, address it, and then treat it. 

Jannini, et al (2005) found that premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction has a profound occurrence of overlap. Meaning, most men who suffer from erectile dysfunction (mild to severe) also suffer from premature ejaculation. These men end up in a vicious cycle of increasing sensitivity to achieve an erection, premature ejaculation, then trying to decrease sensitivity to prevent PE, and finally falling back into erectile dysfunction. Here is Jannini’s (2005) chart which illustrates this cycle:


Another organic cause of premature ejaculation is prostatitis (inflamed or infected prostate). Screponi, et al (2001) found in a study of 46 patients with premature ejaculation, that 13 (28.2%) exhibited one or more clinical symptoms of prostatitis.

The most common psychological issue that is believed to cause premature ejaculation is anxiety. Nearly every source cited so far has mentioned in one form or another that anxiety is a commonly attributed cause to PE. However, it is also worth noting that no one has been able to pinpoint the exact cause or causes of PE. It could be anxiety-driven, other psychological disorder(s), penile hypersensitivity, prostatitis, or a myriad of other unknown factors.

If you suffer from PE, I strongly suggest you seek a medical examination before trying your own form of treatment. If you have prostatitis, prostate cancer, performance anxiety, ED, or other factors, your Doctor should be able to best advise you on treatment for root causes. If you feel your Doctor is incompetent, get a new one. Also, he or she will be able to give you clearance on whether or not you can engage in prostate massage as a possible treatment.

If you suffer from PE or ED as a result of prostatitis, prostate massage has been shown to reduce swelling and increase blood flow to your prostate. Much like a masseuse who massages your sore muscles, the prostate can be massaged the same way. For most people, having a partner or professional do this for them is too invasive or uncomfortable. Therefore, more and more men are experimenting on their own with prostate massagers. By massaging the prostate to reduce inflammation, this will increase the ease of achieving erections. As a secondary effect, this will decrease the occurrence of premature ejaculation (in theory).

Although Aneros did ask me to write this article, I also stand by their product line. Between Aneros and Nexus, those are the two companies I use the most for my own prostate massage and sexual activities. Aneros has several products that are perfect for beginners, such as the Helix Syn, Eupho Syn, the SGX, and the MGX.

Whatever the cause of one’s premature ejaculation, I firmly believe that prostate massage can reduce the occurrences of PE and increase the length of time a man can engage in sexual intercourse. Most of this needs to be done with a combination of prostate massage combined with relaxation and edging

Prostate massage has a tendency to increase the speed at which one ejaculates. Meaning, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, you might be even more sensitive when you incorporate a massaging device. This, however, is a benefit to you in the long run. The incorporation of using a prostate massager should be done during solo play until you can comfortably use it during intercourse. 

The idea is analogous to training for a marathon. Someone who suffers from PE would be a sprinter in this analogy. After a few moments, the sprinter's energy is spent. Through endurance training, increasing sensitivity, and through the practice of edging, I believe the sprinter can successfully become a marathoner. Here is a very simple recipe for that. However, I highly encourage you to read this article about edging using the start-stop method.
  1. Find a place where you can be alone for a prolonged period of time.
  2. Lie on your bed or floor with a towel underneath you, a bottle of water-based lube, and your Aneros prostate massager.
  3. Follow the directions for your prostate massager, and insert it into your anus.
  4. Without doing anything to your body, just relax and breathe. Feel the massager inside you, and feel how it is touching your prostate. 
  5. If you feel the need to ejaculate, do not touch your penis. In fact, for the first few sessions of doing this, I recommend not touching your penis at all.
  6. If you are comfortable rocking back and forth on your massager (or using your pelvic floor muscles to maneuver it), then do so. This will gently massage your prostate and increase sensitivity. Do it until you can’t take anymore, and then stop moving. 
  7. Repeat that process over and over again. If you feel like you are going to ejaculate, stop. Stop, breathe, and recenter yourself. Do this over and over again as well.
  8. Only incorporate your hand when you want to test your limits or take things to the next level. 
  9. Try to increase the length of time you can do this each session without ejaculating. The combination of prostate massage and penile stimulation will bring you to the edge rather quickly. By stopping before you reach that point, you will start to train your mind and body to recognize the signs of oncoming ejaculation. You will then be able to recognize these signs during intercourse and pause/change positions if you have to. Finally, you will also be able to train yourself to hold your ejaculation until you want to let go.

Keep in mind that the above steps are only my suggestions. Each person is different, and he might need to engage in sex therapy, take medication, or explore meditation and mindfulness practices. There is no one-size-fits-all cure for premature ejaculation. Treating it will not take place overnight. If you suffer from PE, then you absolutely must take the time to practice on a regular basis. Again, with the marathon training analogy, it takes time, patience, and resilience to get where you want to be. Whatever you do, don’t give up!


Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.

References

Atmaca, M., Kuloglu, M., Tezcan, E., & Semercioz, A. (2002, 12). The efficacy of citalopram in the treatment of premature ejaculation: A placebo-controlled study. International Journal of Impotence Research, 14(6), 502-505. doi:10.1038/sj.ijir.3900918

Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders DSM-5. (2013). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association.

Hatzimouratidis, K., Amar, E., Eardley, I., Giuliano, F., Hatzichristou, D., Montorsi, F., . . . Wespes, E. (2010, 05). Guidelines on Male Sexual Dysfunction: Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation. European Urology, 57(5), 804-814. doi:10.1016/j.eururo.2010.02.020

Jannini, E. A., Lombardo, F., & Lenzi, A. (2005, 12). Correlation between ejaculatory and erectile dysfunction. International Journal of Andrology, 28(S2), 40-45. doi:10.1111/j.1365-2605.2005.00593.x

Laumann, E. O., Paik, A., & Rosen, R. C. (1999, 02). Sexual Dysfunction in the United States. Jama, 281(6), 537. doi:10.1001/jama.281.6.537

Premature Ejaculation Medical Definition. (n.d.). Retrieved March 25, 2017, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/premature ejaculation

Screponi, E., Carosa, E., Stasi, S. M., Pepe, M., Carruba, G., & Jannini, E. A. (2001, 08). Prevalence of chronic prostatitis in men with premature ejaculation. Urology, 58(2), 198-202. doi:10.1016/s0090-4295(01)01151-7

Symonds, T., Roblin, D., Hart, K., & Althof, S. (2003, 01). How Does Premature Ejaculation Impact a Man’s Life? Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 29(5), 361-370. doi:10.1080/00926230390224738
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2017-03-19

BDSM from Mr. H -- Handcrafted & Customizable Bondage Gear


NOTE: This is a longer post that is broken into multiple sections. I suggest opening this on your computer browser for optimal reading. All Mr. H hyperlinks go directly to his Twitter account.

About two months ago, on a whim, I retweeted and followed Mr. H on Twitter. This was for a chance to win one of his handmade paracord BDSM pieces. When I found out that I won the raffle, I let him know that I will not only use the product, but I will write about it on this blog. I assume he got excited, because he decided to go all out and make my Wife and me a full set of gear. The picture above shows between 70 and 80 hours of labor. Those of you who know anything about knot tying, especially decorative knots, know that a simple Turks head or half-globe knot can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours a piece. 

Please note that this is a longer post than most because there are five different products to discuss (six if you include the leash that goes with the collar). From top to bottom of the above picture, I have numbered these items below. Feel free to read the entire post or scroll to the product that best represents your interest:

  1. Cuffs
  2. Collar and Leash
  3. Riding Crop
  4. Flogger
  5. Over-the-Door Cross (doubles as baton or flogger)
Before we discuss each of these items, let's talk a little bit about Mr. H, who he is, and what he does. First and foremost, Mr. H does not have an online store, like Esty, where you can just order your products. He is extremely exclusive, and he will not waste his time on people who do not appreciate BDSM or the hours of work that go into each one of his products. If you want to buy a full set of bondage gear, talk to him directly on Twitter -- click here

Mr. H has been in the BDSM scene for a very long time. For those of you who are not sure of the BDSM acronym, it stands for the following: BD = Bondage and Discipline, DS = Domination and Submission, SM = Sadism and Masochism. BDSM is not about actual torture, abuse, or inescapable control. It is a partnership and an understanding between two (or more) people who respect and trust each other enough to engage in this type of role play and behavior. At any time, a Submissive or a Dominant partner may stop the activity and go about his/her life. This is not the movie Hostel. It's more like Nicholas Sparks meets 50 Shades of Holy Shit!

Two years ago (from the time of this writing), Mr. H had a rare form of arthritis that resulted in the amputation of two fingertips. As a form of physical rehabilitation, he took up knot tying. This way, he could manipulate the small motor skills in his fingers and build back the ability to do intricate movements. 

A few months after beginning his knot-tying therapy, he had an epiphany: Most BDSM toys are either uni-taskers, cheaply made, or not made to a customer's specific desires. Then, he realized that he had the ability to make his own tools. Not only would they be beautiful, they would be functional, able to multi-task, and coveted by many. The fact that he made us a set as noobs (rookies in the practice of BDSM) was not only a shock but an olive branch from one community to another. 

Each one of Mr. H's sets is created from paracord. Paracord is the cord that makes up each line of a parachute. So, when a parachute opens up, the canopy is tied to the harness by way of paracord -- many of them. It is also known as 550-cord due to its innate properties to hold up to 550 pounds of tensile strength per single cord. Decorative cord, like the ones Mr. H uses, are likely not military grade (I'm a Naval Aircrewman with parachute experience), but they are still very very strong and durable. Anyone in the military knows what 550 or paracord is, and we all swear by it. For instance, I use it to lace my combat boots. There are 100s of uses, but we're not here to discuss that. We're here to discuss Mr. H and his kinky products.

Once I received the set, and Mr. H knowing that we're noobs, he offered some training via phone conversation. I spent nearly an hour on the phone with Mr. H to understand everything he made, how long it took, what types of knots he used, how to clean the tools, and how to use them properly. He was patient, professional, and free of judgment. For those of you looking to expand into BDSM, I can vouch for Mr. H as a true hero in the fetish and BDSM scene. 

Ok, let's get to the meat of the post and talk about what this incredible crafter made for us. In my set, you'll notice that all of the products are red and black (with blue cuffs). When you order your set, Mr. H will work with you to customize the colors to what you want.

1.  Cuffs

Of all the tools that Mr. H made, the cuffs are the only ones with minimal paracord work. They still take about two hours to complete (one hour per cuff). The actual cuff rope that he uses is soft enough to be comfortable while still being tight enough for restraining someone. I imagine this was by design. Let's face it -- not everyone wants to go to work the next day with metal cuff marks on their wrists, right? Right. BDSM is still a taboo around the world. People like to engage in the practice, but no one really talks about it in public.

There are two distinct pieces of knot work on each of the cuffs. The end cap functions as both a decorative touch, but it completely stops the rope from fraying. Those types of knots were typically used on hemp line when sailing ships. The art is not lost completely, but it is rare to find someone who can do it well. 

The second knot is a slip tie. This one is designed to slide freely up and down the core of the inner rope. It acts as a cincher to tighten down the cuffs. Because the cords are made of synthetic material, the knots cinching will be tight, but it will also be easy to remove. Remember, safety and trust are number one in any activity, and BDSM is no different. 

As a last resort, a simple pocket knife can cut the cuffs from the Submissive. No one is ever in any danger.

These cuffs, by the way, can be tied around your own devices. More specifically, however, Mr. H makes an over-the-door cross that is perfect for these restraints. When we get to that section, please pay attention to how they attach. That extra bit of line hanging off the tip of each cuff is for tying them to the over-the-door cross.

2.  Collar and Leash


Next up are the collar and leash. Let's focus on the collar first. 

The collar takes about two hours to complete. There are two heavy-duty metal rings and one easy-release connector. In addition to the beautiful Solomon Bar knots (aka Cobra knots), Mr. H incorporates decorative metal pieces per your request. In the case of this collar, he added pewter crosses and a skull. These accent pieces are strictly decorative in nature, but they add quite a bit of atmosphere to an already intimidating piece of gear.


Regarding size, Mr. H is not a stranger to the BDSM field. He knows that people vary in neck size, and he will work with you to get your collar just right. With that in mind, this is not an adjustable piece. If you have multiple Subs with whom you work, you may want to take measurements for each one.

Sure, Mr. H has the engineering skills to make an adjustable collar with knots like these, but it will likely lose all artistic value. The fitted collar not only looks sharp, but it is designed for one specific person. Having something custom made like that will provide your Submissive with more trust knowing that you have taken the time to commission (and spend money on) a fitted collar for him/her.

The leash that comes with the collar is not included in the kit unless you want it. You could use a cheaply made Chinese knock-off, or you could use your own custom leather leash that you paid an arm and a leg for. But, if you want to support your BDSM community in full, then ask Mr. H make you a leash.


The leash takes about two to three hours to complete. Like the collar, it also comes with a sturdy, easy-release connector. The entire leash is made of one long Soloman Bar (Cobra) knot. When complete, Mr. H folds the end back onto itself to make a loop. That loop is big enough for bigger hands. If you are a giant, however, let him know so he can customize it further. 

The leash measures about 18 inches long (20 if you include the connector. It's a short leash, but that fits the BDSM community quite well just based on the "short leash" idea of control. (She's got you on a short leash, huh?) 

3.  Riding Crop

Now, let's move onto the riding crop. Third down the list of my top picture, and also pictured here, this riding crop is almost so beautiful, I don't ever want to use it. But, that would be a dereliction of duty, since it begs to be used.


This particular crop takes between 10 and 12 hours to create. Remember, when you're paying for quality craftsmanship, you are not just paying for the design and beauty. Mr. H makes about $5 an hour doing this work (after materials and shipping costs). If the price is too high, Mr. H can work with you to get it down, but you will loose some of the more intricate knot work in the final product. Someone who is experienced in the BDSM scene knows exactly what quality looks like, and this is quality work. 

The inner core of the crop is two pieces. The thinner dowel (which is a plastic dowel) is designed to fit inside the larger dowel (solid wood). The plastic, thinner piece adds a degree of flexibility to the crop without fear of breaking it. With precision cuts, glue, and knot work, you never have to worry about the pieces coming apart. The paddle of the flogger is crafted from genuine leather. The leather is double-backed onto itself and glued in place with a leather cement.


In addition to the basic use of a riding crop, Mr. H injected design characteristics that make this piece a true multi-tasker. The knot design on the handle of the crop is a herringbone pattern on the thinner piece and King Solomon's knot on the wider handle. This pattern (King Solomon) not only gives more grip for the user, but it can be doubled as a clitoral stimulator.


Because paracord is a porous material (we'll talk more about cleaning later), you should use a condom on the handle if you are going to engage the genitals. The condom will act in two ways. One, it will protect the Submissive from the transference of bacteria or disease. Two, it creates a smoother texture to the handle while still maintaining bumps and ridges built into it. The flatter side of the herringbone pattern could be used as a tease, whereas the hitch (connector) point of the pattern provides an incredibly bumpy texture.

4.  Flogger

I think the most popular piece for new fetlife (fetish life) people is the flogger. In this set, it is our personal favorite. Combined with design, practicality, ease of use, and even post-production customization options, it is by far Mr. H's most intricate piece.


First, let's talk about design. You'll notice the checker board-like pattern that runs both around and up the entire shaft. This is called a pineapple design. There are variations on how to build this type of decorative knotting, but a simple YouTube search will show you just how long it takes to do only a small amount of crafting. This handle alone (not counting the Turks head knots on each end) took Mr. H about 20 hours to complete! That's half of your work week to complete less than 12 inches of design.  (Unless you're Italian. Then 20 hours is more like three weeks of work.)


The flails that come out of the dowel (the handle) can be as few or as numerous as you would prefer (within reason, of course). Typically, Mr. H will create floggers with 20, 30, 40, and even 50 flails. The one you see here is 30. By using 7/8” and 7/16” dowels, Mr. H is able to glue each flail onto the smaller dowel in a circular ring, wrap it in tape, and then craft a decorative Turks head knot over the top of it. The whole piece becomes one seamless composition of BDSM functional art.


One of the other customization features Mr. H offers his customers is the amount of "sting" you want to get from this flogger. I'm kind of a wimp with a low pain tolerance, so I asked him to make it with minimal sting -- a softer set of flails. For that, he did some paracord magic -- by pushing the inner "guts" of the paracord inside the shell, he then cuts a small portion of the colored shell. When that was done, the inner strands pop out about 1/2 to 1 inch from the shell, and it creates a softer sensation during spanking. 

Other forms of more aggressive customization include melting the tips of the flails. Mr. H can also add knots to the tips. He will tie the knots and then melt the cut end back into the knots. This will become quite an aggressive piece.

When I mentioned earlier about the flogger being post-manufactured customizable, I meant that you can alter the tips yourself if you want to go more aggressively. Just keep in mind that if you melt any portion of the paracord, you can't undo do it. I truly suggestion talking to Mr. H about what you should do BEFORE you do it. He's the expert, and his customer service is amazing.

To use the flogger, you have quite a few options. From tickling to spanking to beating, the only limits you have are your imagination and the pain tolerance of your Submissive. Remember, if you're new to this, TRUST AND SAFETY ARE THE BIGGEST PARTS OF BDSM PLAY! If you are abusive in mind and action, you need to rethink why you're doing this and go get some professional help. This is supposed to be fun and enjoyable for all parties involved. 

Now, since you have a number of flails, you can use them all at once, or you can hold some of them back on the handle. Remember that the fewer you use, the more sting it will have at a certain place. Think of it like pulling one strand of hair from your head or five. Which one stings more? Same goes for the flails. That said, the more flails you use, the more overall pain you will incur upon your Sub. Remember that stinging is just that, stinging...but using all the flails will be more of a smack! Those sensations are very different. Again, think about that hair-pulling analogy. Pulling five hairs at once no longer stings, it produces a very different feeling.

In addition to using the flails, some Submissives might desire a "beating" on his/her derriere. If this is the case, just make sure you are extra careful when administering blows, and stay completely on the flesh of the buttocks. If you move too close to bones, joints, or the spine, you run the risk of severely injuring a person. Frankly, I would save this practice until you become better educated and trained in BDSM.

5.  Over-the-Door Cross

The final product to present to you is Mr. H's Over-the-Door Cross. Combined with the cuffs that we discussed above, this is a powerful piece of bondage gear with incredible versatility.


The way it is used is very simple. Remember those extra bits of cord on the cuffs? Those are going to be tied around the loops of the cross. I'll admit, I used this wrong when first going at it. I thought I had to hook the loops over the corners of the door and do some weird thing with the cuffs to get it to work. Mr. H was patient and corrected my form. Here are pictures on how to set this beauty up properly:



Pictured above, on whatever side of the door you will not be engaging your Submissive, that is where you want the bar to hang. In this case, the bar is on the hallway side of our bedroom door. The cuffs are already tied onto the loops of the cross. Because no one is attached to them, the cross hangs down slightly. When someone is attached to the cuffs, it will draw the bar up to the top of the door and hold your Submissive in place.


Once you have the loops and bar hanging over the door (hence over-the-door cross), you can insert your Submissive's hands and tighten down the cuffs. There are several types of knots you can use to cinch the excess cord, make things tighter, or make them looser. YouTube, Google, Wikipedia...and if all else fails, maybe Mr. H will give you some pointers. From his experience, even a simple shoelace knot will work to tie the cuffs to the cross.

With 20 hours of work in the over-the-door cross, Mr. H did not want it to be a uni-tasker. The cross can be used for thumping play (light to heavy tapping on your Sub). The benefit of his tight knot work makes it ideal for massage as well. Rolling the bar up and down the muscles of your Sub (or on my own legs before I go out for a run) is much the same as some of the expensive Physical Therapy tools I have used. 

Again, you are only limited by your imagination.

Cleaning Your Paracord Bondage Gear

Almost everything you see on my site is body-safe. That means the products I have reviewed are non-porous and safe for insertion. They can be cleaned with soap and water, and you have little to worry about.

Paracord, however, is not a body-safe material. You need to take extra care of these products to minimize bacterial growth. These are not products that you should introduce to any orifice on your body. They are made solely for external use. Here is how to clean them:
  • Get yourself a high concentration bottle of rubbing alcohol. Up in Canada, where Mr. H makes these, I think all isopropyl alcohol comes in 90% or 100% solutions. Not so in the USA. We have 40%, 70%, and I think I saw a 90% at the store. Get the highest you can find.
  • Also, get a quality spray bottle. You can even find these at the dollar store. Just make sure it produces a good amount of spray when you squeeze the trigger.
  • Mr. H suggests using a 10 to 1 (water to alcohol) ratio as the cleaning mix. So, make that mixture (even a little stronger if you want) and shake it up.
  • For most of the static gear, a simple spray-down will work. Spray the entire tool and let it air dry.
  • For the flails on the flogger, you need to spray and spin the flails at the same time. It will take a little getting used to it, but you'll get the hang of it. 
  • Do not over-immerse your gear in solution. The dowels are all wood (save one), and the paracord has a habit of not giving up moisture. You're not trying to penetrate the inner core of the paracord. You're trying to ensure the surfaces are fully coated in bacteria-killing alcohol. Paracord will not rot, because it's made of petroleum products. It will harbor bacteria if left wet.
For storage, wait until everything is completely dry. Mr. H's products are beautiful and should be stored in an open forum (if your lifestyle allows for it). If not, a simple storage bin is suitable. These products will last you for years if you take care of them. They are not cheap, but then again, they are not cheaply made. Believe me when I tell you that you will get what you pay for. I have high doubts that you will find anything comparable to Mr. H's BDSM gear for the prices he offers. 

Conclusion

Mr. H does this more as a hobby than for an income. He promotes his BDSM lifestyle, but he is also an advocate of sex-positivity. His vanilla lifestyle outside of his dungeon is juxtaposed to his true nature. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where people shame those who enjoy kink. People like Mr. H are changing this one person at a time and one bondage set at a time. 

I want to personally thank Mr. H for spending over 70 hours of his off-duty time creating this entire set for us. I only hope this review can do justice for what he has done for us.

If you haven't clicked any of the hyperlinks, CLICK HERE to add Mr. H on Twitter so you can order yourself a set. 

Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-15

Electrastim Prestige Electraloops -- The Cock Rings I've Been Waiting For

It finally happened, everyone! I achieved my first hands-free ejaculation using the Electrastim Prestige Electraloops. For those of you who don't know what you're looking at, these are electrified cock rings. Electrastim has a whole line of various e-stim toys, but this is the first e-stim product (of dozens I've tried over the past year) that has given me a hands-free ejaculation.

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If you're not one to read posts, I did make a YouTube video and embedded it at the bottom of this post.

Alright, Mr. Secure, What Makes These Different from Other Cock Rings?

Thank you, Rhetorical Voice. I'm glad you asked. The answer is simple: These are extremely well-crafted, high-quality, easy-to-use e-stim cock rings. If you look at the picture at the top of this post, the black loop is made from a highly conductive rubberized material. I didn't even realize that rubber could be conductive, but Electrastim put some Disney magic in there, and BOOM...conductivity!

Next, and this is the key to the Prestige Electraloops' quality, the aluminum adjuster is probably the easiest adjuster I've ever used in any sex product, ever. Be the product a strap-on harness, adjustable prostate massager, or other cock rings of this type, this solid piece aluminum adjuster is smooth and stable. The colorful accents are a nice touch as well. It provides a bit of class to your kinky lifestyle. These come in gold (above), silver, or red. 

The build quality of the Prestige Electraloops is far superior to any other adjustable e-stim cock rings I've had. For that matter, they're higher quality than any regular cock rings I've ever had. At 6.5mm thick, the rubber loop is strong, durable, and stays on tightly. The 2mm pin connectors hold the leads in securely. And, the current that passes through these is consistent and evenly spread. (More about that later in the post.)

OK, I Want One. What Else Do I Need to Use Them?

Electrastim is the front-runner of the budding e-stim industry. They have something for everyone -- from beginners to experts. If you are a beginner to e-stim, and more specifically, Electrastim products, then you are going to need a few things to get you started.

Of course, you'll need to pick up a pair of Prestige Electraloop Cock Rings. Click here for those. But, they don't come with the power unit or the leads that you will need to use them. If you have a penis, then you have a prostate (unless you had surgery). To save your money and to get the biggest bang for your buck, here is what I suggest:
So you don't get sticker shock, you're looking at about a $400 investment when it's all said and done. Is it worth it? Yes! A resounding YES! The sensations you are about to experience are indescribable. I try to do my best, but the feelings are so unique that they have to be experienced to be fully understood.

Alright. I'm Sold. But, How the Heck Do I Use These?

The best way I can describe how to use the Prestige Electraloops is in my embedded YouTube video at the bottom. There, I incorporate a dildo, the leads, the power box, and of course, the cock rings. To give you a better visual on how to put these on properly, here is an instructional illustration directly from Electrastim:
Notice in the pictures that the leads are not connected to the cock rings yet. That's a safety tip. Don't ever close the circuit until everything in properly placed and ready for use. You have two choices when applying the Prestige Electraloops:
  1. Put one loop at the base of your shaft and the other at the frenulum.
  2. Put one loop around your shaft and scrotum, and put the other at the frenulum.
You can play around with positions, but these are the basic two, and they will provide enough current to get you off. You have my Sexually Secure Seal of Approval (it's an arbitrary seal, but meh)!

The next thing you need to do is connect the leads to your loops. You can connect them before or after you apply the loops, but it's easier to do it after you have the loop placed on there and tightened down. Once the leads are plugged in, connect that lead to the power unit. 

And that's it! You're ready to go. Start your power unit on low and work your way up. If you have a Flick Duo, you're in for a treat. Make sure to read the manual on that, and understand how to change the settings before you start your session.

I mentioned above that the current passes through consistently and evenly. This is what I mean by that. In the past, I tried some cheap cock rings from Amazon. When I put them on turned on the power box (they made a cheap one that ended up just hurting), the electric current was way too focused on one or two spots. It created an intolerable amount of pain to my frenulum, and it felt like it was burning through my penis.

Electrastim charges a higher price, because they have a superior quality product. When I put these on, I was scared that they were going to do the same thing as those ones from Amazon. Not at all. The current was as gentle or as violent as I wanted it to be. There was no burning sensation. It was complete relaxation with a mind-blowing orgasm at the end.

Final Thoughts

There are only a handful of high-end e-stim companies out there, but Electrastim is at the top of my personal favorites list. E-stim is not for everyone, but it would be if everyone just gave it a try. The only people for whom I would not recommend e-stim are those with heart conditions. On the same note, never pass a current through your heart. The best e-stim rule of thumb is to stay below the waist. 

If you haven't clicked any of the links above, check out Electrastim's full line of products by clicking here

Electrastim Prestige Electraloops Video Review


Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-13

Sheets of San Francisco -- Sex-Proof Bed Sheets

Hello Readers! Thank you again for coming to Sexually Secure to learn about another great product I had the opportunity to review. I will do my best over the next few days to figure out how to make a YouTube video that would add anything to what I've already written in this post. All things considered, they go on the bed like any other fitted sheet. I really don't need to demonstrate how to make a bed, do I?

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If you need an example of what a Queen Size set from Sheets of San Fransisco looks like, here is a picture of our bed with the black Funsheet Plus Fitted Sheet fit snuggly over all four corners. Yes, notice the baby oil on the right bedside table. Yes, notice my CPAP machine on the left bedside table. I'm a real person, not some Gold's Gym steroid-infused porn star. We have sex like most people -- I just choose to write about it and give you the lessons we've learned, as well as review the products we've used.

As you can clearly see, there is nothing noticeably different from the way this Funsheet fitted sheet goes on the bed than typical cotton or bamboo fitted sheets. And yes, Sheets of San Fransisco designed them this way. They wanted to make them simple -- as simple as possible, and that includes clean-up! I'll get to that soon.

What Makes the Funsheet Different?

So, a little about what these are. Unlike typical fitted sheets, Sheets of San Fransisco (an American made product) uses a two-ply construction of polyurethane fabric. They have their own propriety combination of 40% polyurethane and 60% polyester, but they are 100% hot and messy sex proof! More on that in a minute.

The feel of the Funsheet Plus, unlike cotton or bamboo, has a rubbery sensation. However, it doesn't feel exactly like rubber. Essentially, according to my Wife, it feels like something Cat Woman would wear. To me, it feels like rubber infused with silk. It is a completely new and welcome sensation in our arsenal of sex toys and products.  (That arsenal is now taking up most of our walk-in closet and under-the-bed storage. If you have any storage suggestions, please let me know. We're desperate at this point, and Google has failed us.)

Although the fitted Funsheet Plus is made of a rubbery material, it is completely breathable. Meaning, you won't sweat when you lay on them. If you've ever sat on a faux leather chair in a hot room, you know how disgusting you start to feel after a short while. With Sheets of San Fransisco, they were able to balance breathability with a waterproof barrier. The only sweating we did was a result of our exhilarating session.

What Do You Mean by "Messy Sex Proof?"

As stated above, these sheets are messy-sex-proof. As a fantasy, Mrs. Secure always wanted to know what it would be like to slather baby oil all over each other and engage in a hot, steamy encounter. As much as I wanted to engage her fantasy, I couldn't bring myself to risk messing up our Tempurpedic bed. So, I did some research. I reached out to Sheets of San Francisco to see if their sheets could hold up to a bottle of baby oil. Not only did they say yes, they sent me a fitted Funsheet and challenged us to do our worst -- see how much of a mess we could make and how easily they clean up.

Well, we used a bit more than half a bottle of baby oil. I might have overdone it a bit, but I was in the moment, and it was a ton of fun. If you've never had sex with baby oil, it turns your skin into a live-action slip-n-slide. Everyone needs to try it at least once.

Side note: If you're over 25 years old, consider using less baby oil. Between my ACL injury and general back pain, it was a challenge to keep from slipping off the bed. Also, you'll have to reposition about every two minutes. You'd be amazed what frictionless sex leads to ;-P

"Wait, You Also Said These Were Easy to Clean." Yep, I Sure Did...

Once we were done, we got off the bed (carefully, as not to ruin the carpet with oil), and we showered. Because it was late, we decided to just take the fitted Funsheet off, throw it in the tub, and wash it the next day. The fitted Funsheet Plus kept our bed completely clean. Not a drop of oil anywhere on the mattress. There was oil all over my nightstand, but absolutely nothing on the bed! I was impressed.

So then we thought, "Hey, we're leaving them in the tub overnight with oil on them. Are they going to be alright?" I didn't have a good answer to that, so we just decided to wait and see. (Do my worst, right?) Also, as mentioned above, these Funsheets are super easy to clean. Although I couldn't read the hieroglyphics on the tag that told me how to wash and dry them, I did read the card that came in the box.

Here are the instructions to clean the Sheets of San Fransisco Funsheet:
  1. Wash them in the washing machine.
  2. Dry them in the dryer. 
Simple, huh? And it worked. Our sheets came out squeaky clean (pun intended), and they looked brand new. In fact, the pictures throughout this post (save the one on the bed) are all pictures taken after we used them and washed them.

In addition to the fitted Funsheet Plus, Sheets of San Fransisco makes flat sheets (the sheet that you would sleep under), and pillow cases. If you have a non-standard size bed, they have a customizing option as well. This will run you $30 more, but believe me when I tell you it would be worth it. We will be using our fitted Funsheet Plus for years to come, and I truly believe it will last that long. If you haven't clicked any of the links to get your own set, click here

Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-12

SLAA Step 2 -- A Higher Power Could Restore Us


It's been awhile since I wrote about Step 1 of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). In my article about Step 1, I disclosed information about myself: I am a sex and love addict, I am addicted to pornography and physically acting out with people, I believe the addiction is real despite the conclusions of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

After a long move across country and into a new job, I hadn't written about SLAA since October last year. Now, I am finally settled in my career, home, and new SLAA group. So, it's time to start writing again.

If you are reading this, then these are likely the reasons you are here right now:
  1. You are a sex and/or love addict.
  2. You've completed Step 1 and are ready to move onto Step 2.
  3. You are curious/fascinated about this addiction.
  4. You are unsure if you are a sex and/or love addict.
  5. You accidentally clicked on something to get here ;P
As of February this year (2017), I hit three years of sobriety. Unlike alcoholism or narcotics, SLAA focuses on setting one's own bottom-line behaviors -- actions that are considered acting out as part of the addiction. I have had two Sponsors, and I am the Sponsor of two other men. But, that's enough about me; let's dive into Step 2.

SLAA Step 2 -- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Throughout my years both as a human being and a sex addict, I have witnessed countless people struggle with the existence of a Higher Power -- God, in other words. Step 2 is when a person finally believes that this Higher Power (HP for short) is capable of restoring him/her to a sane and fulfilling life. Growing up as a Christian, finding/believing in an HP was not very difficult. Most of my difficulty came from Step 3...turning my life over to God. 

//Side Note// The last time I wrote about God on my blog that I lost Twitter followers. And...they made sure to tell me it was for that reason. I'm not pressuring you to believe or not believe in anything. I'm telling you what has worked for me. If you are anti-religious/atheist (militant or not), I still love and accept you as a human being. Your journey is yours, not mine.

For a lot of people, finding an HP in their lives was, and is difficult. Luckily enough, I had the chance to network with the international SLAA community at a conference a few years back. There, I met a man who gave me a document that was adapted from "We Agnostics" in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. It is a questionnaire to help people consider the fact that there is a God. Once they come to that conclusion, they are ready to work the rest of the Step.


The above link is a shareable Google Doc. Feel free to download it, answer it, edit it how you see fit for your group, and continue to pay it forward. If you or someone you know has trouble believing in God (as they define God), this worksheet will help them get there. Only after someone has a sense of the Higher Power he/she believes in can he/she finish Step 2 and move on to Step 3. All of these Steps are organized the way they are for a purpose. Only the person who completes the 12 Steps will understand that purpose in full -- grok it, if you will. 

This next bit of literature is a Step 2 worksheet to get you through the entire Step and ready for Step 3. I strongly suggest using the link above (We Agnostics) as your starting point if you do not have a Higher Power in your life.


In the Step 2 worksheet, you'll find a table to help line out the Higher Powers you already have in your life. Because this is Google Doc, you can download it as a PDF, Word file, or copy it over to your own Google Docs and work it in earnest. If you need more space in the table, you can create it with a simple copy/paste of what's already there. 

The end goal to Step 2 is not giving control and your life over to God. No. Rather, it is fully believing that there is a Higher Power (God) in your life, and that your HP is able to give you back your sanity. 

Nowhere in any of the SLAA literature does it state that your God has to be Judeo-Christian. I have known people who have very abstract descriptions of their Higher Powers. Some of them even give themselves over (in Step 3) to the Universe as their Higher Power. The point here is this: I have seen a lot of people come and go to SLAA over the years. The ones with a Higher Power stay and work the Steps. They usually have a full recovery and continue to give back to the community. The ones who have no Higher Power in their lives typically leave the community. Or, they continue to go to meetings, but they also continue to act out on their addictions.

As with Step 1, if you have any questions or need a boost to get you moving through Step 2, I'm here to help. Click here to contact me directly. I can lead you to the water, but you have to drink it -- meaning, I'm not going to do the work for you. You are solely responsible for your own recovery.

Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-10

Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo

Typically, I'd have some catchy second part to my article title, but I just don't know what to put there this time. So, I left it blank. Blank, by the way, is kind of how I felt with the Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo. It really didn't meet the expectations I had. That said, if you read my other articles on masturbation sleeves, you might notice that I'm not a huge fan of them. Over the many years of practice I've had to tug on my own member, I've found that, second to my Wife's body, my hand is better than any "guybrator" or masturbation sleeve you can throw at me.

Once I began sticking things up my butt and writing about them, I discovered a whole new world of sex toys and satisfaction for men. Men, if you're reading this, please vouch for that in the comments section.

From here on out, the Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo will be called the HOP-3D. I hate long names, and HOP-3D sounds better.

In the package, you get a beautiful carrying case, the magnetic charging cable, the remote control for your partner, and, of course, the HOP-3D itself. At about $150, this is not a cheap toy. For those of you who like masturbation sleeves, this will probably be the most expensive one you ever buy, but it is very well designed. 

The main unit of the HOP-3D looks like a frightened stingray that is really trying his best to swim away from the kids at the aquarium who are trying to touch him. Inside the unit, there are ridges, a big bump, and smooth silicone material. All of those design elements come into play when the unit is either vibrating or being slid up and down your shaft.

The magnetic charger is self-explanatory. Plug the charger into a USB port/adapter, and then put the other part on the metal contacts of the HOP-3D.

The other part included with this toy is the remote control. This remote is strictly for the partner. There is a secondary motor underneath the unit that is there for clitoral stimulation. So, once you have the HOP-3D turned on, you can put your penis inside it, straddle your lady, and she can control the clitoral stimulator while you rub up and down. You won't be able to penetrate her, but it is great for foreplay.

The HOP-3D, at it's basic form, has nine intensities and five different patterns. There is also a turbo mode where you can kick it up a notch even on the highest setting. I guess I just don't understand why so many of these toys need a Cray supercomputer to figure out how to use them. If manufacturers take note of the Hitachi Wand and the Doxy, they might learn a thing or two. We really don't need that many options. On, off, up, down, maybe a few intensity settings...that's it! I don't want to divide by the square root of negative one to figure out what setting works best for me.

OK, enough of my rant about design. Here are the positive parts of the HOP-3D.
  1. This thing is incredibly powerful. After about four hours of charging, you'll get about two hours of use. The motor(s) in it are designed to provide strong vibrations to the parts you need them the most. For us guys, that part is the frenulum. 
  2. The HOP-3D holds itself onto your penis. The whole unit is bottom heavy, because that is where the motors lie. To compensate for that, they came up with that frightened stingray design I mentioned earlier. The silicone that grabs your shaft is thick and strong. It will not come off unless you want it to.
  3. Where I could care less about vibration patterns and nine levels of intensity, you might find that to be the most important part of the HOP-3D. That said, yes, you have plenty of options -- likely more combinations that the Sonic Drive-In soft drink menu. 
  4. The remote control works well. From what I've read, this used to be an issue with the different HOPs. They fixed it on this go-round. 
In conclusion, I have this to say. Hot Octopuss has created an incredible ad campaign. Their site looks beautiful, their products are stunning, and they airbrush their models to look like nihilistic sex fiends. Much like Fleshlight, I feel they sell themselves on marketing rather than substance. The sensations I feel from my Wife's Hitachi Wand ($60) are better than what I felt with the HOP-3D ($150). The HOP-3D definitely fills the perceived gap in men's sex toys, but I don't think men need masturbation sleeves as much as they need prostate massagers. I think the next best thing this company can do is to focus on prostate massage and mimic the business models of two of my favorite companies, Nexus and Aneros.

If you want to pick one up and try it yourself, then go to one of my most adored sites, CouplesPlaythings. They have this for sale, but they also sell a whole lot of goodies that I really enjoy. Check them out!

Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-06

Nexus Revo 2 -- 6 Combinations of Automatic Prostate Massage


I realize this is my third review in a row from Nexus, but I'm playing catch-up right now, and they are the first in line. Nexus was kind enough to send me a box full of goodies to review for you. Like always, that company never lets me down. They are innovative, creative, and adept at making some of the most incredible prostate massagers on the market.

What Is This?

The above picture is the Nexus Revo 2 Recharged. From here on out, I'll just call it the Revo 2. It is a six-setting, rechargeable, rotating prostate and perineum massager. It is NOT waterproof, so don't go taking it into the bath or shower with you. 

TL;DR -- My YouTube Video of the Revo 2 is embedded at the bottom of this post.

If you own the Nexus Sparta (my review of that here), this is not the first time Nexus has colored outside the lines of innovation. Unlike the Sparta, which has a "come hither" motion that strokes my prostate, the Revo 2 is designed to roll around the prostate in a circular motion. The feelings of this are incredibly unique to any sex toy I've tested before this. If I had to choose between this and the Sparta, I would easily choose the Sparta. That is because I prefer direct stroking on my prostate rather than a rolling motion. However, this is, by all means, an amazing toy that brought me very close to prostate orgasm.

In short, yes, this is a product I recommend to you if you want to further your collection of automatic prostate massagers. 

How Big Is It?

Now, about the size and function. The Revo 2 from tip to base is just over six inches -- that's a true six inches, not the penis-measurement six inches :-P The insertable length of the massager is just at four inches. For most men, that is plenty of length to penetrate and reach the prostate. Keep in mind that the Revo 2 does bend slightly (but not that much) once inside you. So if you have a prostate that is closer to the anus, you should still be able to feel it. If you are either extremely tall or short, I ask that you contact Nexus to see if you should buy this and/or what other options there are.

Lastly, regarding size, the perineum massager is about four inches in length. This is enough to cover and cradle most men as well. It sits snugly underneath the anus and pushes gently on the perineum either while on the vibration setting or not. There are raised rubber bumps that help give the massager both sensation and grip. The grip is nice, because it does not allow the Revo 2 to twist around. Thus, it keeps the rotating head just where you want it -- on the prostate.

How Do I Use It?

Only use water-based lube or olive oil with this product. The Revo 2 is made of silicone, that means silicone lube will eventually disintegrate the toy. Not cool when you're paying hard earned money for something. 

Once it is lubed up, simply slide it up inside you. It's girthy, but it's not nearly as girthy as most of their massagers. The key function of this toy is to give you direct prostate massager, not to "fill you up," as it were. The rubberized button on the bottom of the base is where all the magic happens. Simply press it, and off you go. 

There are six distinct settings with the Revo 2. The first three are exactly the same as the second three, except that the first three settings are slower paced. Setting one and three are specifically for the rotating head. There will be no vibration. Setting three is roughly double the RMPs as setting one. The other four settings activate the perineum massager. Rather than get into the weeds with written word, check out the video at the bottom to get a good idea of how this functions.

The key to the Revo 2 is to relax completely. For me, I had to sprawl out on the floor (with a towel down for pre-cum) and just let the massager do its work. It took about a minute to find the exact position that worked best for me. Basically, I just looked like a passed out drunk guy sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. But remember, you'll likely be doing this solo, so no one is looking at your funny positions, right?

Conclusion:

If you are going to use this for solo play, you'll love it. If you try to use it during sex, you will hate it. It's not made for sex. The charge on this will last about 1.5 hours. That will give you, if you want it, a continuous 1.5 hours of prostate massage. I really suggest getting comfortable on the floor, putting it in, and letting it do its work. If you can last that long, you'll likely write to Nexus directly to thank them for creating such a marvelous toy. If you can go longer than 1.5 hours, then have a Nexus Sparta fully charged on hand. Between those two toys, you won't leave home for a few days.

If you haven't clicked on any of the links thus far, click here to get a Nexus Revo 2. It's costly, but it's worth it. While you're there, pick up a Sparta as well. You'll thank me later.

As promised, here is the YouTube video. Please let me know what you think -- comments, criticisms, suggestions are all welcome. Trolls, go away -- I already paid my fee to cross the bridge. Thanks!

YouTube Video


Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.

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