2017-07-03

Why I Left Twitter


Where Did You Go?

Nowhere. I'm still here. I'm still the same sexual health blogger that you've been reading for almost a year now. I appreciate of you who have subscribed to this blog and encourage others to do the same. Social media, however, is just not cutting it. 

A long time ago, I go rid of my Facebook account (my personal one). When I started www.SexuallySecure.com it made sense to make a Facebook and Twitter account for self-promotion. Facebook censored everything because my page name and user name both have "sex" in them. After three attempts to remedy that situation, I gave up. No Facebook for me (neither personal nor business accounts).

Twitter seemed like the way to go...at first.

OK, So Why the Sudden Exodus from Twitter?

Reason 1:  Needless Competition and Marketing Schemes

For the first five months of my activity on Twitter, I felt like I was in some sort of competition to get followers. Heck, vendors and companies wouldn't even talk to me unless I had a specific number of followers. Here's a copy-paste from an email with Eroscillator Public Relations:

"Congratulations on your growth and the hard work you have put into your blog.
However, we still think that the Eroscillator is not a fit for your blog at this time.
Could you provide me with your twitter handle, I could not find it (the current minimum number of subscribers is now 1500 with followers – followed > 1000)."
Therefore, at least for Eroscillator, I need to encourage people to follow me on Twitter, while, at the same time, shunning a follow-back. I hate games like that. Extrapolated from that, if I had 25,000 followers and 25,000 people I follow, I would still not meet their arbitrary requirement. 

In addition to that nonsense, I was also on the receiving end of that promotional-scheme. Meaning, people would do that to me. I grew tired of it quickly.

Reason 2: I'm a Sex Addict, and You're Posting Porn

If you've looked through my blog at all, you'd see that I'm a sex and love addict. This blog is intended to promote intimacy with one's monogamous partner and to help people overcome their sexual insecurities. The amount of porn that was shoved at me on a daily basis was for the birds. 

For example, I would log onto Twitter to check messages. The first thing that would pop up is some guy trying to suck his own penis. Hell, there was one time where I swear it was a 12-year-old girl in a skimpy bathing suit. And, it was not some innocent pose either. That was enough for me to block and report the offender through Twitter's reporting avenue. 

Reason 3: I Needed to Be Left Alone, but That's on Me

I'm a Libertarian. I really don't care what anyone does as long as it doesn't hurt me or someone else. I'm not going to bash people who have an unnatural desire to post 1500 pictures of their right testicle to Donald Trump. But, I got sick of muting, blocking, and ignoring said right testicle pictures. Why not change it up and show off the left one? (kidding)

Reason 4: Redundancy, Time Wasting, and Monotony

Every time I logged on, it felt like I was watching one big porn store commercial. Even the regular Joes that I followed would retweet that nonsense. Yes, I'm guilty of it, too. It just hit me the wrong way one day, and I realized I'm part of the problem. So, this is that change.

Reason 5: Lack of Real Trust

People aren't real on there. Nearly everyone uses a pseudonym in this hobby (yes, this is my hobby; not my job). However, when I made a long-term relationship with a person or company I trusted, I would think that maybe they would trust me back and stop calling themselves by their fake names. But, that just wasn't so. I helped one specific company out over and over again with the person disclosing their real name until after I left the Twitter platform. I felt betrayed (especially considering how open I was about my real life to that person/company).

Reason 6: Sex Positivity vs. People Just Being Sexual

There is a real movement in the USA to promote sex positivity. However, there are some people who think that means just being an unashamed slut or posting tits and ass all over the place. Truly, it's about removing the stigma sex being a "bad" thing and embracing it as a beautiful gift to humanity. I'm sex positive, but I don't feel that showing you pictures of gaping assholes is a way to promote that way of thinking. Conversation works so much better. 

Reason 7: Political Correctness

I wasted so much time on this blog and Twitter trying to help everyone feel included. Well, I'm not going to do that. I've seen people argue that women are not always people with vulvas, and having a vulva doesn't always mean you're a woman. 

People are so afraid of insulting a transsexual that they go far out of their way to describe the genitals of the person they are talking about. Here's a real example clip, "So, my partner, who is a prostate owner..." What the fuck, people. Just say, "my boyfriend," or "my transwoman girlfriend." Say something that doesn't sound so stupid!

Here's a better idea regarding political correctness: BE POLITE! 

Her'es a nice video about it:



Here's a George Carlin video about it:


Reason 9: People Don't Pay Enough Attention to Care

If you've read down this far, congratulations. You're one of the few. But did you catch that I skipped Reason 8? When I left the platform, I had one person contact me to inquire what happened. One. I though, "Man, that sucks. I put all that work into promoting myself and no one cared." Then, I started looking at my blog stats. Since I stopped promoting myself on Twitter, I have actually increased readership by 25% daily. How counterintuitive. 

So Now What?

I realize this is a rant, and it's a long one. The bottom line is that I appreciate those of you who come to read my reviews and tutorials. But, I don't care to promote myself on a daily basis anymore. It was a waste of time, and time is a very precious resource. Now, instead of tweeting on Twitter, I can focus on making wine, crafting leather, and putting things up my butt and writing about them.

Sadly, I now have to go through every post and remove the "follow me on Twitter" blurb I always put at the end. 

That said: Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.
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2017-06-10

MotorBunny -- Fierce Competition Has Arrived


Hey folks! Thanks for coming back again and again to read these reviews. I use this blog as a sounding board and a way to convey the importance of sex positivity to the world as a whole. It's nice to see more and more people using sex toys shamelessly, but we still have a long way to go.

Warning up front. If you get offended by straight-forward talking with strong opinions, go somewhere else. If you want to read my authentic thoughts, please continue.

If you don't like to read blog posts, here is my YouTube video of the MotorBunny. If you're reading this on Feedburner, it might not have the video embedded, so here's the direct link: https://youtu.be/OWFRjwFkEqw



When I started this blog out about a year ago, I was obsessed with getting my Wife a Sybian. After several months, I bought one...for $1,270.00 (after a $75 discount I found on the Interwebs). Lo and behold, a few weeks later, I found MotorBunny online. Still an up and comer in the sex toy industry, I reached out to them to see if we could sample a unit and compare it to the Sybian.

What we found -- The MotorBunny is less expensive, more powerful (slightly), and easier to replace the external power source (if we had to) than the Sybian. My immediate conclusion to you, if you are going to buy either a Sybian or a MotorBunny, is to buy the MotorBunny

Unless you have a hang-up about Chinese versus American manufacturing, the MotorBunny is nearly $500 less than the Sybian with the same warranty and return costs. Just for reference, even your 'murican car has foreign parts in it (or is assembled in another country) -- click here for reference

I realize there are purists out there who need to stick to the original. Or, maybe they think this is just a clone of the Sybian. Maybe you're one of those people who think everyone copies things like Apple products and gets pissed off every time a similar product from a different company comes out. Here's news for you -- everyone copies everyone. Need proof? Click here. Companies have been taking the best parts of products for years and making better products from those ideas. It's the way of capitalism. MotorBunny has succeeded in doing this, and they have created, in my opinion, a better, more affordable product.

Alright, enough ranting. What is the MotorBunny?

At its basic form, it's a Harley Davidson with a dildo on it. There is a dome sitting area that has an attachment holder. By using various attachments, the MotorBunny can act as a clitoral vibrator, dildo vibrator, dildo rotator, or a combination of both. They also have attachments for men (like the JiggleButt). But, their target market is for women.

Yes, I said it -- a target market for women -- not "people with vulvas." And that's how I'm going to roll on this blog from now on. If you're trans and get offended at words like "women" and "men," get your guidance from someone else. I'm tired of bending over backward to not be offensive. If you have a vulva and want to buy a MotorBunny, then just buy it and quit splicing my words. I don't care if you're trans, just like I don't care if you're cisgender.

So, now that we know what the basic idea of the MotorBunny , what are the attachments in the starter kit, and what do they do?

You get four basic PTE attachments with the MotorBunny. Oh, and they all fit the Sybian. I tested it to make sure. So, if you just want cheaper attachments for your Sybian, you can buy these. 

1. The rub-only attachment. This is a clitoral stimulator only. Nothing gets inserted. It's designed as both a warm-up attachment and a beginner's attachment. Before diving into the insertables, you should get familiar with the way the MotorBunny rumbles and vibrates. It's designed to vibrate through you, on you, and around you. The vibrations are not just focused on the clit, but they penetrate deep to hit the g-spot -- which science has discovered might just be the hidden parts of the clit.


2. and 3. The small and medium insertable attachments. In addition to insertion, these come with an internal rod or spring that connects to the MotorBunny. Parallel to the Sybian, this rod is able to be rotated via the control panel. So, you can vibrate and rotate at the same time. In essence, it's designed to be the ultimate orgasm machine by providing the woman with a simultaneous clitoral and g-spot orgasm at the same time. In fact, you may want to put down a towel as squirting is commonplace with powerful toys like these.


4. The enlargement attachment. This is a girth attachment that goes on top of the insertable. Thus, it will increase the full feeling you may crave.


Again, this is just the basic set. MotorBunny has premium silicone attachments that are designed to provide unique and various sensations. You can find all of their attachments (and the male JiggleButt) at this link.

As mentioned above, using the insertable attachments requires you to use either the spring or rod stabilizer tools. My YouTube video discusses how to insert these properly, but here is what they look like. The plastic rod is very tough and will offer a lot of resistance. The spring is, well, springy. You can move a bit more with that one.


Outside of the attachments, you will also get the Bunny Rest. This is a three-sided platform that is used as a place to rest your hands, arms, torso, etc. while you're riding the MotorBunny. And, since MotorBunny knows not all women are created with the same anatomy, they include two risers to help you find that perfect fit.


Through tutorials, the included guide, and internet forums, you will find that there are dozens of ways to use the MotorBunny. If you can't find them using MotorBunny as a keyword, just use Sybian as a keyword. It's like searching for Doxy Die Cast how-to's by searching for Hitachi Magic Wand how-to's. 

My Wife's favorite way to use the MotorBunny is the non-traditional way. Rather than sitting on it like most women do, she likes to lie on her back and hold it in a missionary position with her legs raised slightly. The weight of this machine is not so great that it will hurt. It's actually rather comfortable. The pressure from the weight is adequate to apply intense sensation to the clit.

With all the previous discussion above, most people do not want to drop $900 on a new toy. I can understand that. So, you don't have to make it your first sex toy. That's kind of like buying a brand new Camry over a used Corolla. Get comfortable using some less expensive things and graduate to the MotorBunny. Ultimately, though, you really should consider buying one of these. 

For those who suffer from anorgasmia, the MotorBunny might not be a miracle cure, but it will definitely benefit you more than any other sex toy out there (save maybe the Doxy Die Cast). 

And BONUS! Although it's not the most portable toy in the world, you can plug it in anywhere. MotorBunny provides a universal power adapter.


Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.
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2017-05-29

Sportsheet Queen Size -- Easy Bondage for the Beginner and Expert Alike



Hey guys! I know it's been a while since my last post, and for that, I'm sorry. I've had a lull in my sex life due to work and illness, but all is better now. In addition to this review of my queen size Sportsheets bondage set, I have a few others coming soon. 


A while back, I reviewed another similar sheet product from Sheets of San Francisco. Both products are equally good, but they are very different in application. You can read my review of my Sheets of San Francisco at this link. In nutshell, those sheets are waterproof, oil proof, and sex proof sheets. They are designed with lube, oil, and messiness in mind. 

Sportsheets takes a way different approach to their applications. Also, in a nutshell, these sheets are designed to be used for bondage play as well as creating and maintaining new sex positions. All this is accomplished with the help of velcro straps and braces. More on that in a second.

The queen size Sportsheet fits both a Queen and full-size bed. Sportsheets takes a unique approach to their design in order to accomplish this. 
  • The sheet is already large enough to cover and tuck under both a queen and full-size bed.
  • Each corner has a tightening cord that runs the length and width of the Sportsheet. Simply tighten each corner to keep it firmly tucked.
  • As a redundancy measure, Sportsheets uses two width-long straps that go underneath the mattress. Essentially, the entire sheet hugs the mattress and absolutely will not come undone during your session. 
It's truly a unique design. The entire Sportsheet is made of the soft part of velcro. Not the same thick texture you may be used to, but enough texture to really secure the restraints that come with it. You might be thinking, "How can velcro keep me pegged down on a bed?" What I can tell you is that once I put the restraint bases on the four corners of our bed, it took all I had to remove them later. These things aren't going anywhere. 

Sportsheets comes mailed in an inconspicuous box. So, if you're worried about people knowing your kinky ways, fear not. They are American made and sent with American privacy in mind. (Hint, hint Big Brother...maybe take a lesson from this company.)

Unboxing the product was a bit entertaining. The pictures on the box are reminiscent of mid-90's pornography without the nudity or the corny music. There is a Fabio-looking dude trying out different moves on a girl who looks like she's one of Jerry Seinfeld's TV show girlfriends. The instructional DVD has the same style. Not a deal breaker; just a bit out of date for 2017. At least it wasn't Ron Jeremy on the cover. Sorry, Ron, you're still a Porcupine. 

Inside the box was the Sportsheet itself, four velcro restraint bases, and four velcro bondage cuffs. Each cuff had a leash hook to attach to the base. In fact, I received two extra hooks that could be used for various handcuffing functions. 

At it's most basic element, the Sportsheet is used as a quick and dirty bondage apparatus. After strapping down the sheet to the bed (as noted above), place the restraint bases and cuffs where you want your Submissive to lie down and stretch. After cuffing him/her into the sheet, what you do next is totally up to you. Just don't forget the Eurotrip movie safeword: Fluggaenkoecchicebolsen. 



The instructional DVD will help demonstrate set-up as well as various sex positions you can achieve with the restraints, cuffs, and Sportsheet. I recommend using them for their basic purpose first and then maybe one or two positions. Until you master one or two things, you shouldn't try to achieve every position possible. It will make the sex awkward and the mood will be totally lost. Stick with what you know and only move slightly beyond your comfort zone until that new skill is actually in your comfort zone. 

If you really want to get kinky, I recommend using the Sportsheet on top of a liner from Sheets of San Francisco. This way, you can let loose with the olive oil, coconut oil, food (if that's your thing), etc. What leaks through the Sportsheet will be help from your mattress by the Sheets of San Francisco. Both, by the way, are machine washable. Toss them like you would your regular bed sheets. 

In conclusion, Sportsheets are not cheap, but they aren't cheaply made either. If you are not someone who wants to get into bondage, then this is not for you. If you have already tried handcuffs, some rope play, or even a simple scarf to tie up your partner(s), then this is a nice next step. For people who live a full life of BDSM, you likely already have a dungeon or a set-up somewhere. This would be a nice addition to what you already use. Otherwise, consider it a portable or quick-use set-up when you don't have the time or the means to create a full bondage atmosphere. If you haven't clicked any of the links to check out their product, click here to order a Sportsheets package.

Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-04-14

Smooth Rooster -- The Face Mask for Your Manhood



YouTube video is at the bottom of this post.

One of the perks of being a sexual health blogger is the number of unique opportunities I get to experience and write about. Smooth Rooster is definitely up on my list of unique sexual health products that I got to sample. So, let's talk about it.

What Is This Stuff?

Well, Smooth Rooster is pretty straightforward about what this is. It's a skin mask for your penis, scrotum, and surrounding area. Some people use face masks to smooth out and tighten up their facial skin. Smooth Rooster probably thought, "Wait a minute! Why can't we make one specifically for a guy's cock (er...rooster)?"



The two above pictures show the bottle in which it comes and what it looks like when opened. The mask has a gel-like consistency which is on the thicker side. The primary ingredient is aloe vera gel, and that likely gives it that thick and slippery feeling. 

The ingredients that they highlight are coconut oil, papaya enzymes, and pomegranate enzymes. If you've followed any of my penis pumping articles, there is anecdotal positivity for using pomegranate enzymes to help increase size. Don't go thinking you can slap this on and have a huge penis afterward. Pomegranate enzymes help peel off dead skin, brighten the are, and remove some blemishes. That's about it. Penis enlargement is a time-consuming practice that requires a lot of patience. 

Smooth Rooster also boasts that it is vegan, gluten, paraben, and cruelty-free. So, PETA folks, you can rest assured that no animals were harmed when making this penis mask. Now go eat a cheeseburger. 


How Do I Use It?

If you've ever used a face mask, this is not that much different. Each face mask product has directions on how to apply it, when to apply it, and how long to leave it on...as well as how to take it off. Smooth Rooster is no different. Here are the steps:

  1. Clean your entire bikini area. I suggest taking a shower. 
  2. Dry it off completely.
  3. Apply a layer of Smooth Rooster on your penis, scrotum, and surrounding area. Do not let it get in your pee hole!
  4. Leave it on there for about seven minutes (but no longer than 10 minutes). Leaving it on too long may dry out your skin.
  5. Wash it off, and dry the area.
  6. Do it again every five to seven days.
A bonus tip: Until Smooth Rooster comes out with a daily moisturizer, I suggest using sweet almond oil after your shower on a daily basis. It will keep your penis smooth and the skin tight. The Smooth Rooster mask helps to remove the dead skin cells, rejuvenate your penis, and tighten the skin (slightly). It is not meant to be used as a daily application.

The Results

The immediate results for me were, in fact, smooth. My penis felt silky and refreshed. As stated above, I take my own advice and use a daily dose of sweet almond oil to keep it nice. Every week, I will apply a fresh mask of Smooth Rooster on him to make sure he's always in the best shape.

Judging short term results with any mask is almost impossible. You really need to be in this for the long game to truly notice a difference -- especially if you've never moisturized or groomed before this. If you're a burly man that refuses to shave his pubic hair or keep himself well-groomed, then you're not the right person for this product. If you are someone who keeps himself well-groomed and wants to keep his penis young-looking, then this your game. 

Smooth Rooster also has a subscription service. Much like Amazon's subscribe and save, you can do the same thing with them. With a subscription, you'll get 10% off your purchase, and you can cancel it hassle-free at any time. 

If you have clicked on any of Smooth Rooster's links, click here to get to their website. Or, you can visit them on Twitter by clicking here

Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-04-06

Doxy Don -- Anal for Everyone!


TL;DR -- My YouTube video of the Doxy Don is at the bottom of this post.

I admit, right off the bat, I titled this "Anal for Everyone" and painted the Doxy Don into an anal corner. The truth of the matter is that the Don can be used for vaginal use, body massage, or even to stimulate the penis. It does not have to be labeled specifically as an anal toy. That being said, take a look at it. It's obviously designed to be put in your butt!

Ever since Mrs. Secure received her Doxy Die Cast, I admit that I was a bit jealous. That thing takes the power of the Sybian and puts it in hand-held size. At this point, her Doxy Die Cast is always plugged in and ready to go. -- No, that's not an embellishment. It really is plugged in ALL THE TIME!

When LUVOQA contacted me to give the Doxy Don a try, I couldn't refuse. The Don has a bit of a masculine name to it, and it begs to be a prostate massager. So, let's take a look at what this unique piece of hardware is, what it has, and what it can do.

The Design

The Doxy Don is unique in its own right. It is a semi-portable, plug-in, extremely powerful vibrator. The silicone body is completely body safe. (It is 100% silicone. No funky chemicals. I think it's even grass-fed and free-range organic without hormones. I digress.)

The unusual "nub" on the tip of the Doxy Don is designed specifically for anal play. We'll dive into that later. At the base of the smaller (2.5 inch) nub, there is an intense flair that will not allow the toy to be inserted past that point. No awkward trips to the E.R. with this bad boy!


Since Doxy creates everything to have intense power, the Doxy Don needs to be plugged in. No amount of battery power is going to rev this engine -- at least not in a cost-effective way. The cord is listed at 36 inches (3 feet) in length, but mine seemed more like 6 feet. For most people, this is too short for bedroom use. Get an extension cord if you really want to have some fun. They're cheap on Amazon.

Apart from the hand-held unit, there is a separate control hub. This hub has the same elegance and functionality as Mrs. Secure's Doxy Die Cast. The only difference is that it is not integrated into the Doxy Don handle. It is a few inches down the power cord. I feel that this is a stroke of design genius whether by accident, by design, or by necessity.


The Don is only seven inches (before the nub), so placing the control hub directly on the handle would be bothersome to whoever is using it. Also, the hardware inside is probably jam-packed together. Adding another piece on top of that would make it too bulky. By repositioning the control hub away from the handle, I'm free to manipulate the Doxy Don with one hand and change intensity with the other hand.

How Do I Use It?

Using the Doxy Don is almost self-explanatory, but there are some pointers. First, if you own a Doxy Die Case (and I HIGHLY recommend it), the controls are exactly the same. In fact, I think the vibration intensities are the same as well.

Doxy keeps things simple, and for good reason -- they listen to their customers. Nobody wants 150 different combinations of intensity and patterns. It becomes a nightmare to choose the right one, and it's never easy to get there. Instead, the Doxy Don offers two vibration patterns -- constant vibration and crescendo vibration (it builds up in intensity and then starts over). To use the second one, you have to press and hold the power button. To use the constant vibrations, just press it on.

There are three buttons total. Power, up, and down. Can you guess what up and down do? That's right, they increase and decrease intensity. Again, Doxy keeps it simple.

Now that you know how to turn it on, here is how you (men) can use it to massage your prostate. Note: I'm a guy, and Mrs. Secure doesn't use this toy. Women can use it vaginally or externally. I don't have a vagina, and I'm not going to use my butt plug to massage my neck.

The nub/bulb of the Doxy Don measures 2.5 inches. For some folks, that may be intimidating. I can assure you, it is a most comfortable size for beginners.

Without over-explaining the process, get some water-based lube, a towel, and some time. You'll need time. Lay the towel down underneath you (you're welcome, in advance), lube up both the bulb of the Doxy Don and your booty hole. Gently insert the Doxy Don, and then turn it on.

It is not my place to tell you how far in, what angle, and at what intensity you should use the Doxy Don. But, I can tell you how I use it.

I like to start out at a medium intensity. Any less than that, and it just doesn't do it for me. When I'm about to climax, that's when I bump it up all the way. For some people, that may be too intense. For me, it's perfect.

Regarding angle, everyone is different. I have to really shove it in there and press toward my prostate. I feel that Doxy needs to extend the nub of the Don about 1/2 to 1 inch in order to really impress the prostate enthusiast. Once I get it right in position, I leave it there. Engaged in both prostate massage and general stroking masturbation, the Doxy Don affords me a very powerful orgasm as an end result.

At one time, the Doxy Don was named the Skittle. I don't know if it was the same toy, slightly different, or what. For the Doxy Don 2 (if they ever make one), I suggest more length on the nub, and it will easily be a 10 out of 10. For now, it sits between 7 and 8 on my scale.

If you haven't clicked on any of the links, get your own right here at LUVOQA.


Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-28

Sex Toy Organization -- For Closets Full of Kink

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Why organize our sex toys?
Because our termite guy does not need to know how many dildo inches we can handle when he walks through our home.


Hey all, my Wife, Mrs. Secure, wanted to take the time to write to you about sex toy organization. Apparently, there are not many articles out there about how to do this. Some companies make specific sex toy organizers. You can usually find them on Etsy. But, if you're a reviewer or person/couple who has a whole bunch of toys, then you need a different solution. Here is what worked for us:

We are in spring-cleaning mode around here and we decided to show our adult toy collection some much-needed attention.  It’s a little embarrassing to show our personal mess in all its glory but we strive to be completely honest with our readers.  So please excuse our mess and we hope you can take away something from this post.  Continue reading for some tips on decluttering, organization and storage.

Sex toys are taboo for some folks but around here we celebrate play.  In order to make play more accessible, we decided to come up with a simple and streamlined system that we know we can stick to.  As you can see from the before pictures (below), we kept our toys in plastic storage bins.  Not only was this unattractive, but it also took up a lot of floor space in our closet.  It was like an unmanageable monster as it spread to our closet shelves, over to Mr. Secure’s side, into our nightstands, and even under our bathroom sinks!  If we wanted to play, it was almost like a scavenger hunt had to be incorporated in order to find the perfect toy.  

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Mrs. Secure came up with the idea to utilize under-the-bed storage containers to make everything nicely accessible.  First off, we unpacked all of our toys and placed them on our bed.  (Disclaimer:  Some of our larger toys stayed in their individual boxes and will go back in or closet.  These include the Sybian, Motor Bunny, and Tom V2.)  Once we were done unpacking, I must admit, it was a little overwhelming.  How did we accumulate this much?  How long was it going to take to go through them?  All sorts of thoughts like that.  But alas, we endured and opted for a “one item at a time” approach.  Take a look!  WOW!

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Side note:  Even after we were done organizing, we found smaller toys tucked away in other drawers throughout the house.

Next up, we decided we could divide everything into four categories.  You may have more or less depending on your specific needs.  We settled on:  
  • “Keep”- Toys that just needed to be organized, 
  • “Trash”-Toys we no longer enjoyed, 
  • “Review”-Toys that still need to be reviewed, and 
  • “Display”-Toys that are not only fun but amazing to look at.

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Then, we took our signs and placed them in different areas of the room and started the assessment of each item.  Keepers were easy to discern.  If it was something we reach for time and time again, is still in good working condition, and we knew we’d miss it if it was gone, we placed it in the keep pile.  

Trash was also pretty easy.  If we only used it once to review it, if it was in poor condition, if it was missing parts, or if we knew we would absolutely never use it again; it went in the Trash pile.  (Note:  we did remove any batteries and also tried to keep and reuse any of the storage pouches in order to reduce our waste.)  All in all, we didn’t throw out much.  There is supposedly a site where you can recycle your sex toys by mailing them in, and they are disposed of properly. That just seems like a hassle.  

The review pile was pretty small, as we try and review toys shortly after we receive them.  I believe there were a couple we placed in that pile.  They went into Mr. Secure’s office so they’ll get their proper review at a later time.  During our cross-country move, we packed up and missed a few reviews.

Finally, the Display pile was just beautiful, really!  There are toys that we not only enjoy using but they are just beautiful works of art in our opinions.  Since we have a walk-in closet in a private master bath, we have decided to mount a display shelf in there with a few choice pieces to display.  Once we get the shelf up and everything displayed, we’ll get you an update. For now, here’s a look at some of the items we’re displaying.  

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OK, so when we were done separating everything out, we disposed of the trash, moved the “review” items into the office, moved the display items to the side, and got to work on the “keep” pile.  Our bed is a queen and is able to accommodate three Sterilite Underbed Storage Containers with lids.  Here’s a link if you’re interested in the one’s we used.

Of the three containers, one is designated for Mrs. Secure, one for Mr. Secure, and the one in the middle is for the playing we do together.  

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I like the fact that they have lids, too, because it helps to keep the contents clean. Inside each bin, I wouldn't say there's really a system of organization, because, let's face it; when you want to play, it's pretty awesome to just break out the whole box and go to town! Delicate toys are kept inside pouches, and we tried to keep boxes and instructions for any complicated toys. (ex. e-stim kits, Sybian, Motorbunny, etc.). Take a look:

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Again, though, these aren't all of our toys.  The larger ones live in boxes in the closet and our most reached for toy or two live in the vicinity of our nightstands.  Mrs. Secure’s Doxy, for example, ALWAYS stays plugged in!  :-P  For liquids, we were sure to put those inside plastic bags in case there is leakage.  Also, we keep a large bottle of lube in our nightstand as well.

I hope this post was informative for you.  The truth is, when we searched sex toy organization on the web, all we could find were odd, hack-like tips, like storing your dildos in a spice rack or in an over-the-door shoe organizer.  Those might work great for some people but we like to keep our toys super accessible but still out of sight.  I am reminded of the time our pest-control guy did a walk-through of the house and there were not only visible toys everywhere, but our realistic dongs were literally pressed against the sides of the plastic storage bins in the closet!  Maybe he’s an understanding and open-minded guy, but if not, there’s no telling what he thought.  LOL!  As for the more artistic toys, we don’t mind those being on display, heck most people won’t even know what they are at first glance.  Thankfully, the more anatomical ones are out of sight, so it’s still a private and intimate thing we do as a couple.  Our termite guy does not need to know how many inches we can handle.  HAHA!

I hope this post has been helpful.  If you have any tips or tricks to add, just let us know in the comments.  Happy Spring Cleaning!  

Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.
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2017-03-25

Can Prostate Massage Treat Premature Ejaculation?


This is a research/advice article regarding prostate massage as a treatment for premature ejaculation. I was not paid to write this article. My goal is to promote discussion of a taboo topic in men's sexual health.

A few weeks back, Aneros contacted me to ask if I would post an article about premature ejaculation and how prostate massage can help treat that problem. Because I don’t suffer from this disorder personally, there was no way for me to write it from an anecdotal point of view. Therefore, I had to delve into peer-reviewed publications, scrape the Internet for anecdotal testimony, and Google everything I could about premature ejaculation. Here is what I found:

Anecdotally, prostate massage has earned a position of trust in the treatment for everything from enlarged prostates, prostatitis, erectile dysfunction, increased erection strength, infertility, stronger orgasms, and premature ejaculation. The biggest reason I use prostate massagers (and more specifically, Aneros massagers) is very simple. I use them because they feel absolutely amazing.

By my own experience, I can attest that Aneros massagers help me achieve a quicker and stronger erection. My orgasms are much more intense. Also, I have learned how to achieve a prostate orgasm (with enough time and relaxation). Prostate massage has not helped my infertility issues. The proof of that is due to the lack of kids I have running around my house. But, we’re not here to talk about me or my issues; we’re here to address premature ejaculation.

  • The Merriam-Webster (2017) dictionary defines premature ejaculation as such: ejaculation of semen that occurs prior to or immediately after penetration of the vagina by the penis. 
  • The premature ejaculation DSM-V criteria is: “Persistent or recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on, or shortly after penetration and before the person wishes it.” (APA, 2013).

Socially, men want to be able to last as long as a partner wants to engage in intercourse. For some men, premature ejaculation is a few minutes. Others may think it’s much longer. Most studies that were completed in this field (from my research) showed that the majority of men self-diagnose their premature ejaculation status. By the DSM-V stating “before a person wishes it,” this leaves a lot of wiggle room for the interpretation of who suffers from it.

Who Suffers from Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (PE), also referred to as rapid ejaculation, is a prevalent condition with between 22 and 38% of the adult male population suffering from this disorder (Laumann, Paik, & Rosen, 1999; Spector & Carey, 1990). Symonds, et al (2003) interviewed 28 men who were self-diagnosed with premature ejaculation. The data gathered from this study show that premature ejaculation has a similar qualitative effect on men as that of erectile dysfunction. That means men who suffer from premature ejaculation likely have the same confidence/self-esteem problems as erectile dysfunction sufferers. 

Similarly, Hatzimouratidis, et al (2010) found that PE has a prevalence rate of 20-30% of men. In comparison to Laumann’s findings, these numbers are nominal in deviation, and therefore enforce the accuracy of the percentages. Screponi, et al (2001) list even higher percentages, but they never top 40%. Hatzimouratidis, et al (2010) also found that the condition can be both lifelong or acquired. This means that someone can be born with it or acquire it through physical health complications/psychological complications. So, with 1 in 5 men suffering from PE, why is this not addressed on a more public forum? The reason is shame and self-confidence. Rather than facing the problem head-on, people typically fall victim to social stigmas and never discuss it. 

Symonds, et al (2003) cited some extremely useful information regarding PE. As of their writing in 2003, there were absolutely no medications on the market to specifically target PE. From my research, the primary medications used to treat PE incorporate the side effects (and therefore off-label) dosing of antidepressants. Drugs like Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac were most common. But, antidepressants come with their own sets of issues. People who do not suffer from depression might face more danger by taking them to treat PE. Medication, in my lay opinion, is not the optimal form of treatment. That said, Symonds (2003) also notes that 47% of men do not believe there is a treatment for their PE.

So, Can It Be Treated?

I hold the firm belief that anything can be achieved if one puts his/her mind to it. Atmaca, et al (2002) performed a study that compared the use of citalopram versus placebo in the treatment of premature ejaculation. At the end of the study, they concluded that citalopram did have a significant treatment effect over that of placebo. (Meaning, the medication worked better than a sugar pill.) But, I extrapolated something important from their research. Namely, the placebo DID have a significant effect in treatment. This indicates that premature ejaculation can be treated through a means other than medication: namely psychological treatment, meditation, prostate massage, and the practice of edging.

Other than medications, other common treatments I found for premature ejaculation were geared toward the desensitization of the penis during intercourse. Namely, using condoms and/or using chemical desensitizers were most commonly cited as preferred methods. I believe that using specific methods of desensitization takes away from the intimacy and sensation that is the gift of sexual pleasure. Rather than decreasing sensitivity, I think a man should find the root of his problem, address it, and then treat it. 

Jannini, et al (2005) found that premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction has a profound occurrence of overlap. Meaning, most men who suffer from erectile dysfunction (mild to severe) also suffer from premature ejaculation. These men end up in a vicious cycle of increasing sensitivity to achieve an erection, premature ejaculation, then trying to decrease sensitivity to prevent PE, and finally falling back into erectile dysfunction. Here is Jannini’s (2005) chart which illustrates this cycle:


Another organic cause of premature ejaculation is prostatitis (inflamed or infected prostate). Screponi, et al (2001) found in a study of 46 patients with premature ejaculation, that 13 (28.2%) exhibited one or more clinical symptoms of prostatitis.

The most common psychological issue that is believed to cause premature ejaculation is anxiety. Nearly every source cited so far has mentioned in one form or another that anxiety is a commonly attributed cause to PE. However, it is also worth noting that no one has been able to pinpoint the exact cause or causes of PE. It could be anxiety-driven, other psychological disorder(s), penile hypersensitivity, prostatitis, or a myriad of other unknown factors.

If you suffer from PE, I strongly suggest you seek a medical examination before trying your own form of treatment. If you have prostatitis, prostate cancer, performance anxiety, ED, or other factors, your Doctor should be able to best advise you on treatment for root causes. If you feel your Doctor is incompetent, get a new one. Also, he or she will be able to give you clearance on whether or not you can engage in prostate massage as a possible treatment.

If you suffer from PE or ED as a result of prostatitis, prostate massage has been shown to reduce swelling and increase blood flow to your prostate. Much like a masseuse who massages your sore muscles, the prostate can be massaged the same way. For most people, having a partner or professional do this for them is too invasive or uncomfortable. Therefore, more and more men are experimenting on their own with prostate massagers. By massaging the prostate to reduce inflammation, this will increase the ease of achieving erections. As a secondary effect, this will decrease the occurrence of premature ejaculation (in theory).

Although Aneros did ask me to write this article, I also stand by their product line. Between Aneros and Nexus, those are the two companies I use the most for my own prostate massage and sexual activities. Aneros has several products that are perfect for beginners, such as the Helix Syn, Eupho Syn, the SGX, and the MGX.

Whatever the cause of one’s premature ejaculation, I firmly believe that prostate massage can reduce the occurrences of PE and increase the length of time a man can engage in sexual intercourse. Most of this needs to be done with a combination of prostate massage combined with relaxation and edging

Prostate massage has a tendency to increase the speed at which one ejaculates. Meaning, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, you might be even more sensitive when you incorporate a massaging device. This, however, is a benefit to you in the long run. The incorporation of using a prostate massager should be done during solo play until you can comfortably use it during intercourse. 

The idea is analogous to training for a marathon. Someone who suffers from PE would be a sprinter in this analogy. After a few moments, the sprinter's energy is spent. Through endurance training, increasing sensitivity, and through the practice of edging, I believe the sprinter can successfully become a marathoner. Here is a very simple recipe for that. However, I highly encourage you to read this article about edging using the start-stop method.
  1. Find a place where you can be alone for a prolonged period of time.
  2. Lie on your bed or floor with a towel underneath you, a bottle of water-based lube, and your Aneros prostate massager.
  3. Follow the directions for your prostate massager, and insert it into your anus.
  4. Without doing anything to your body, just relax and breathe. Feel the massager inside you, and feel how it is touching your prostate. 
  5. If you feel the need to ejaculate, do not touch your penis. In fact, for the first few sessions of doing this, I recommend not touching your penis at all.
  6. If you are comfortable rocking back and forth on your massager (or using your pelvic floor muscles to maneuver it), then do so. This will gently massage your prostate and increase sensitivity. Do it until you can’t take anymore, and then stop moving. 
  7. Repeat that process over and over again. If you feel like you are going to ejaculate, stop. Stop, breathe, and recenter yourself. Do this over and over again as well.
  8. Only incorporate your hand when you want to test your limits or take things to the next level. 
  9. Try to increase the length of time you can do this each session without ejaculating. The combination of prostate massage and penile stimulation will bring you to the edge rather quickly. By stopping before you reach that point, you will start to train your mind and body to recognize the signs of oncoming ejaculation. You will then be able to recognize these signs during intercourse and pause/change positions if you have to. Finally, you will also be able to train yourself to hold your ejaculation until you want to let go.

Keep in mind that the above steps are only my suggestions. Each person is different, and he might need to engage in sex therapy, take medication, or explore meditation and mindfulness practices. There is no one-size-fits-all cure for premature ejaculation. Treating it will not take place overnight. If you suffer from PE, then you absolutely must take the time to practice on a regular basis. Again, with the marathon training analogy, it takes time, patience, and resilience to get where you want to be. Whatever you do, don’t give up!


Thank you again for visiting my blog. Feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content, or you can follow me on Twitter.

References

Atmaca, M., Kuloglu, M., Tezcan, E., & Semercioz, A. (2002, 12). The efficacy of citalopram in the treatment of premature ejaculation: A placebo-controlled study. International Journal of Impotence Research, 14(6), 502-505. doi:10.1038/sj.ijir.3900918

Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders DSM-5. (2013). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association.

Hatzimouratidis, K., Amar, E., Eardley, I., Giuliano, F., Hatzichristou, D., Montorsi, F., . . . Wespes, E. (2010, 05). Guidelines on Male Sexual Dysfunction: Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation. European Urology, 57(5), 804-814. doi:10.1016/j.eururo.2010.02.020

Jannini, E. A., Lombardo, F., & Lenzi, A. (2005, 12). Correlation between ejaculatory and erectile dysfunction. International Journal of Andrology, 28(S2), 40-45. doi:10.1111/j.1365-2605.2005.00593.x

Laumann, E. O., Paik, A., & Rosen, R. C. (1999, 02). Sexual Dysfunction in the United States. Jama, 281(6), 537. doi:10.1001/jama.281.6.537

Premature Ejaculation Medical Definition. (n.d.). Retrieved March 25, 2017, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/premature ejaculation

Screponi, E., Carosa, E., Stasi, S. M., Pepe, M., Carruba, G., & Jannini, E. A. (2001, 08). Prevalence of chronic prostatitis in men with premature ejaculation. Urology, 58(2), 198-202. doi:10.1016/s0090-4295(01)01151-7

Symonds, T., Roblin, D., Hart, K., & Althof, S. (2003, 01). How Does Premature Ejaculation Impact a Man’s Life? Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 29(5), 361-370. doi:10.1080/00926230390224738
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